Will Never Get

my dog just died. back home in johor bahru. i kinda had expected it, because she kept running out of the house. she was so smart, she was "toilet" trained, and knew how to sit and shake hand. what do we make of death? i'm still trying to figure that out.

-

Miss O was publicly molested today.



i sent her to the car wash.




+ if you asked me for two minutes of my time, and then i made a scene at you for using more than two minutes of my time like how you would if we were delayed, how would you feel? random.

Getting Lost At The Sideline

pmr results were announced today, and i'm suddenly thrown back into memories. for me, i've always been chasing good results. i was never the straight A's student, but i always believed in having a nice-to-see results slip. A's and B's were all i told myself to accommodate with.

thinking back, i don't know why. maybe because i like to see things orderly, somewhat? hmmmm... as i spoke to a friend quite some time back, she told me how happy she was when one of her students passed all subjects. something i found a little hard to relate at first, but later understood. not everyone wants to chase for the A's. sure its nice to have them, but how does it really help? i've met people with amazing results, who also think they're royalty. i've met people who rattle of chemistry formulas and spot calculation mistakes instantly, but can't hold a simple conversation.

i'm not saying i am the perfect human being on earth. i occasionally loathe making small talk, though i think i feign interest well. back to the point, some people search for the A's, yet others don't really care. some just want to pass. results don't make a person, it just generalizes us into science or arts. then classifies us "successful" or not. for exams we are forced to sit for, some don't want to comprehend. we are a diverse lot.

*******

IvanTheTerrible will soon be starting standard 1. it is kind of crazy thinking about this. 6years ago, i couldn't believe i was an uncle. then he started calling me uncle. then he attended nursery, and kindergarten. soon, primary school. time flies so fast.

he is excited about his new school. the other day he was telling me how big it was, that he's going to standard 1 next year, with so much enthusiasm. the kid doesn't know he's got 11 long years of school ahead of him. ONE DAY, he's gonna hate it. yes, i'm slightly evil. i just hope he'll enjoy the moment while it lasts.

it is the festive season, and i've got treats for you. some *not very clear* pictures of the three knights, by order of appearance on earth:



thanks to NigelBiscuitBoy for his photography skills, except the last one.

*******

i'm getting quite the attention for my personal message on msn. it reads:

intimacy.
honesty.
commitment.
you. me. us.

words from my beloved beyonce, to me.

fine. from the video "if i were a boy", can't i imagine?

Nod Your Head Nick

i realized how easily it is for some people to mistake me for being drunk on the phone.

me: hello. where are you?

cousin: just finish work, on the way back.

me: ooo ok. i miss you laaa...

cousin: oi. you drunk is it?!


i wasn't drunk. it was just to annoy her into thinking i was drunk, while she was busy with work, and others were not. slightly evil.

*******

the family and i headed down to 1Utama because there was a nickelodeon event going on last week. holiday treat for the nephews. it was kinda disappointing, over-hyped, and a cheap advertisement for the company. but i guess kids are easily pleased (somewhat), and they enjoyed themselves with the limited activities.

anyways, the host was kinda weird. it was this lady in her late twenties. she was sitting on the stage, kids sat on the floor in front of her, and she tried to entertain them. at her wits end, she asked the kids to guess her age. kids ranging from 3-6 years old. one of the kids thought she was 12. kids do not know how to judge wrinkles, my dear.

i think the host was sticking to her job because it paid well. she finally decides to introduce herself, and says she's from johor bahru. again, kids don't know geography. then she asks, if anyone's from there.

was she expecting anybody to acknowledge her? of course she was. LIKE ME! i raised my hand. and we ended up having a "conversation". she on the stage, speaking through the mic, me about 30 feet away speaking and hoping she reads lip.

she: you also from JB?

me: yes.

she: have you seen me before?

me: yess i have. (with utmost semangat)

she: where?

me: errrr. city square!

she: where have you seen me before? (guess she didn't get it)

me: CITY SQUARE!

she: oooo. during one of the shows?

i nod my head vigorously.

she: oh okay. later i give you present okay?

i smiled back politely and gave her a thumb up.


i'll tell you something. i have never seen her before in my life, but city square is the only place where events like this would take place. i was *fingers crossed* hoping my blind shots would hit the target. apparently it did. because at the end of the day, i got two limited pink dora the explorer lanyards.

as much as i wanted to keep it for myself and wear on board to work, i felt gracious to my nephews and let them have it instead. see, it "pays" to be from JB, and told you she's just in it for the money. for a temporary period, i was the "kid" she was paid to entertain. why do we have to grow up again?

Chinese Tea Furrow

dinner at the frequented chinese restaurant, the lady boss zapped me with a reply i wasn't expecting.

me: teh cina panas, satu.

lady boss: cina teh panas, you kata teh cina panas. aiyooo...


was i really wrong? almost tempted to go on a Hukum DM spree, but decided not to because clearly i'm not some DBP member. and of course because the boss always like to talk crap to entertain us. you know, coffeeshop talk. randoms.

*******

talked to NigelBiscuitBoy on the phone few minutes ago, and it went like this.


NBB: now i'm four years old!

me: wowww. four years old?! now you're such a big boy!

NBB: noooooo. i'm still small. i am only FOUR years old.



the only kid i know who doesn't want to grow up. why didn't i have his mindset back then.

-there are some people i get so close to strangling them-

Little Wonders

on the morning of his birthday, NigelBiscuitBoy woke up and asked his mother, "is uncle sharman coming back?"

she: no. he is working.

NBB: why he need to work?

she: because he need to pay for his car.

NBB: i got money. i can help him pay for his car.


he meant the RM5 in his "kitty" bank. don't you want kids too? even for just the temporary satisfaction of innocent joy? :)

*******

yes for those who actually read this blog, i got a car. lack of an update on it eh? things have been a lil rough that it overshadowed the enthusiasm for my beloved car, sadly.

well initially she had been named Miss O, not to be mistaken for Oprah, but due to the fact she's orange. last night, i officially blessed her and she's now hindu.

so mom asked me, "then shouldn't your car have an indian name too?"

me: "hmmmm. point noted. ok her indian name shall be Miss Om".

i really didn't want to deviate too much from her birth name. and yes, she. the love of my life hahaha...

One Step

stop peeling the petals,
she said to me,
it is too soon,
she warned me.

i dived reluctantly,
back into the ocean,
to find normality and my position,
of distanced fear.

a remoteness ensued,
in the once comfort zone,
paradise was where you were,
not like hanging over this edge.

the tone of your voice,
i could feel how somber,
your unwilling eyes,
only to me.

only to me,
you had spread your arms,
only to me,
the restricted was table talk.

yet only to me,
everything of the ordinary,
that made perfect sense,
were intangible in reflection.

Lack Of Armor

sometimes i just wanna give in...

the title is stolen, but i found it appropriate.

*******

happy birthday.

i wonder how it would have been.

Travesty Of Its Own

there comes a time, when you have to let go. you can't interfere, it is just not your business. no one can point a finger, and play the blame game, it is too late.

there comes a time, when all you can do is sit and watch for what's coming next.


i know i've said everything in life is a choice, but there are restrictions. we aren't always compelled to deal, certainly when things are way beyond our reach. we're humans, we're not superhumans. we can hold grudges, but we can't hold onto responsibilities that are too far-fetched.

the distant reality that many fail to grasp, we can't decide, we can't mould, we can't make choices or even choose how tomorrow will begin or end if an observer is what we're elected for. tomorrow is always an unknown.

we do what we can. at the end, we may rejoice in success, or maybe not. and when the latter occurs, we wonder "what went wrong?". what could have been, what could have been done. too late, maybe something's were just meant to be, as how it were out of reach from the very beginning. self-depreciating thoughts occur. nothing can be done to undo, we can only look ahead. to deal with the future.

maybe we'll sit and pray, everyone goes through some sort of rough patch of their own. for others, few empty bottles. anything, and everything is an option.

and hopefully, we'll get through it.

then continue the script.

*******

"ku katakan dengan indah,
dengan terluka hatiku hampa,
sepertinya luka menghampirinya.

kau beri rasa yang berbeda,
mungkin ku salah mengartikannya,
yang kurasa cinta."

-'ku katakan dengan indah' by peterpan-

The Awkward Surprise

"they say the bigger your investment,
the bigger your return,

but you have to be willing to take a chance.


you have to understand,
you might lose it all.


but if you take that chance,
if you invest wisely,

the pay off might just surprise you."

-s06e08, am a sucker for grey's anatomy-

*******

i don't know how, when or why, this pessimism towards it began. all the negativity, suddenly appeared out of nowhere. i used to believe, but somehow things changed. it no longer seems as pleasant as before. no longer the same.

perceptions change through time, no?

perceptions can be influenced, no?


maybe i'm just waiting for you, then the pieces will fit in again.

*******

mom asked me,

"what's the song '3' about? the radio dj was saying, listen to the chorus and know what she's counting about, so what is it actually?"

me,

"hmmmm. well the direct meaning, she's supposedly singing about playing 'twister'. but the indirect translation, it's about threesome."

awkwardly, there was a lack of the awkward moment. getting used to, perhaps?

Quite Abruptly

NigelBiscuitBoy seems to have developed the art of storytelling very articulately. for his age, not yours. earlier, i was speaking to IvanTheTerrible, but NBB being himself, snatched the phone from him.

a few rustled moments later, he started rattling away. he's no oxford or cambridge, so occasionally he'd get stumped for words, and i can always picture him rolling his eyes upwards, breathing heavily, thinking hard for the right words at this point. like he usually does.

NBB: mummy take the video of me dancing on the stage and...

(this was about his nursery's concert)


NBB: and martini put the brown on the table and she....

(firstly, i have no idea what the hell this story was about. secondly, yes someone named their daughter "martini". was martini-the-drink the cause of martini-the-daughter? or the other way round?)


NBB: papa's car so big. and the tyre so big lidat lidat LIDATTT.

(i couldn't stop laughing here)

NBB: uncle sharman laughing.

(i laughed even more)

NBB: uncle sharman laughing some moreee.

(at the background i could hear ITT grumbling)

NBB: nooooo. but i want to talkkkk.

(he tends to stretch his words sometimes. very distinct, hard to explain)

NBB: grandma play the kumputen (computer=laptop). she play beejwleeeed, play fish, play farmmmm.

me: grandma never let you play?

NBB: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. grandma play all dayyyyyy!



quite abruptly he ended our conversation and passed the phone to his brother. willingly. i don't think opening a facebook account for someone who is barely 4years old is a good idea.


then what will I post about?!

:)

-enjoy the weekend-

Magenta Ain't Pretty

i started officially in the giant red & white metal tube on the 6th!

unexpected and pretty much unprepared. i went into my typical frenzy panic mood, but luckily the captain was extremely nice. he didn't rush me, knowing i was already rushed, and not to forget nervous too. i had no idea what to expect. of course the occasionally mind freeze had to happen. not with the flying, but knowledge.

it's been a never-ending learning process, and sometimes you take all the tiny finer points for granted. so when you're asked to recall, you get stumped for words.

almost like having a key, with a million doors in front of you to figure which it belongs to. in my head i'm shouting, "I KNOW THIS", yet i couldn't phrase it out in words because it all seemed to fuzzy. yes, study. i know. there's only so much i can store at my fingertips. my mind don't work the same like an external hard disk ready for plug and play, though i wish it did.

captain was incredible. he discussed, even asked for opinions. it is people like him who make flying so freaking awesome beyond words could describe. at one point he turned and said, "RELAX... am i that scary?", we both laughed because it was me scaring myself out, instead of him.

many will say you can't know everything, i don't find any consolation in that. we all know our limitations and capacities, it's just a little disappointing at this stage. i'm the type of guy who's always trying to note down as much as i can, and most times i get amazed with the intricate details i jot down too late. sadly, i don't read those notes because there's already a million other stuff to do. things we have learnt, we hope remember. guiltily, i don't revise cause i feel its exciting to learn something of the unknown. okay, nevermind...

i'm still relishing the moment. this is where i want to be. gotta get through some turbulent times first :)


for someone who never traveled much, here's to bintulu, k. kinabalu, and medan! the sky's blue-er from flight levels :D

*******

she: *sounded like* salmon, are you mixed?

me: salmon? it's shar-man laaa... yes i'm mixed.

capt: is he mixed? of course! norwegian and german salmon mix!

wth.

Options Leave No Choice

people who don't know, think superficially. we're all guilty of it. as much as i should give people the benefit of that, sometimes i can't find the capacity to. maybe it's the situation, the timing, probably even the nonchalant tone.

maybe because it happens one two many a time, then annoyance kicks in. because redundancy is a bore.


people who don't know, think superficially. and i wish i remember how that felt. to be able to know the simplicity of things, and not in depth, without a fear, with a whole lot of glimmer. there is a solace if we just had to touch the surface, and nothing more. there will be no boulder on our shoulders to add weight in our daily lives. without responsibilities, there will be no consequences.

but that's not healthy. i need to know more. still, people who don't know, think superficially, and sometimes that gets on my nerves, if the same person keeps doing it again and again like an energizer bunny. or was it duracell?

*******

today, i saw an old man walking through rows of shops in clogs. the really classic wooden red clogs, with the plastic semi-cover on top. i don't think he was on some prank show. you know what was amazing, he walked so gracefully, without the clogs making a racket. talented. i don't know why was he in clogs, but i guess that looks better than crocs, and when was the last time you saw clogs? worth a mention, don't you think?

i also saw a mind teasing signboard today. it read:

AWAS
AMARAN
KERAS

something's wrong somewhere, no?

-i spout crap-

Snipped, From Your Thoughts?

" when you develop an infatuation for someone,
you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you.

it doesn't need to be a good reason,
a bad one will do just as well.

taking photographs of the night sky,
for example,
in the long run that's just the kind of dumb irritating habit that would cause you to split up.



but at that time,
it's the charming eccentricity you've been searching for all these years. "

- "the beach" -

*******

i cannot understand some of the people i have met in my life. when i existed there right in front of you, you had to act superior-like. we were always on level ground. difference you and me, i never thought you were great as how you did yourself.

sure i've made mistakes before in my life. if that should be a reason for you to act that i'm beneath you, fine. you had a reason to judge.

but why the sudden fascination, and change of heart to be so-called friends again?

same goes for those who never were mary poppins.

i know people mature over the years, but i also know some don't. i need proof of some sort. or genuine initiation. mouse clicks don't count. no, i'm not mean.

Some Make, Some Break

relationships can progress and digress, take a new dimension altogether. that is what i've learn quite recently. its hard to say where one can go at this point of time, but its fulfilling to know in future that some things have gone right.

relationships are complex. some seem eternally trusting, till a particular decision can change it into a rocky boat ride. some, a case of dog and cat, turning into a formidable force together. some surviving even through ugly stints.


i feel, relationships, like everything else in life, are fragile. how the future can sway either way. how it can just evaporate into thin air without knowing. how plainly unexpected it can seem.

this is just my thoughts on friendship, nothing more. don't be confused.

i must say, it's the friendships that i never thought much about, that somehow manages to change my life, and become an important factor, that i will always appreciate. a true blessing, a gift i never saw coming.

some of us, are actually humans too ;)

Surpressing The Wreck

i made a stop at one of the R&R along the north-south highway to have dinner last night. one of the stalls felt the need to be more creative than the rest. "sirap" was renamed "Roziah's Juice". i can't remember the exact, but it was a feminine name no doubt.

it read and sounded rather crude, if you get what i mean.


the other day i was watching a local magic show on the tv. i know how magic is fake, and its just an illusion, but i wanted to see what he's got to flaunt till he had his one tv show. there was this one particular trick, which had david blaine written on it vividly.

the local magician caught a shooting bullet with his mouth. a paint ball bullet. hmmmmm are fakes our only options?

*******

deepavali came and went. so quick the weekend is gone. this year, i did not get any new clothes.

instead i got new sheets :D somehow, this feels more fulfilling. there's something about snugly new crisp bed sheets.

Ghetto Superstar

as i drove on the familiar road from many years ago, memories started flooding back. though confident i was of the directions, it was slightly fuzzy. nearly missed a turning, but i get that a lot with fly-overs.

so much change with time. all that used to surround, surround no more. some sculptured into odd designs. some, surprisingly remained the same throughout all the years, but not many. it was dark, and that helped reduce the obvious change of my reality. i could still savour in what was left plus a little bit more due to the night vision. it felt, like finding an old toy i had thought i lost.

it made me want to close my eyes and for just a moment, remember the laughter. maybe get lost in it. relive the stories again.


but, that wouldn't be me. i need my tomorrow :)

*******

the incredibly knowledgeable captain said an amusing quote, which i'd like to share to whoever is reading:

" back in the day,

flying was dangerous and the girls were nice,

now,

flying is nice and the girls are dangerous. "

Anywhere Also Can

past few days i had been having trouble falling asleep. i don't know whether its because of the stress or any other relevant reason, but definitely it was annoying me. then i remembered...


i used to have this odd habit. i've always slept in a queen sized bed since young. and when i was younger, i used to position my pillows wherever i felt like laying.

sometimes my head would be at the top of the bed (where it should be), and some other times my head would be at the foot of the bed. sometimes i'd sleep across the width instead, though this confirm cannot do now unless i want my legs dangling in the air :P occasionally diagonally too, but don't really like this cause not much area to roll around.

so i decided, why not try this utterly childish thing? so yea, i slept the other way round. where my feet should be, lay my head; and where my head should be, rested my feet. surprisingly, i feel asleep.

actually not surprisingly. i always found sleeping in odd directions more sleep inducing. its like you're sleeping in a new bed. not just because you're laying on a different area of the mattress, but i guess the whole complexity of the fan blowing from a different direction, the "view", surroundings.

tell me, how to find a partner in bed willing to accommodate such antics?


wow. what a load of crap. and you still read all this? i guess i'm not the only with nothing to do. so since you've indulged me this far, share an odd habit of yours, alright?

*******

sometimes i just wanna tell you directly. but i don't think i'm mean like that. instead, i'm gonna quote this very smartly crafted and beautiful worded piece by Azure Antoinette:

"Don't put me in a box

If you must...
Put me in a box of writers, poets, artistic dreamers, patriots for world peace, melodic pavers for prosperity,
If you must,
Put me in a box with no walls, no top, no bottom, just a translucent chamber where I will flourish,
Where I can turn the earth on its ear.

Where I can remind the world that I have a purpose,
That we, the so-called minority, has a purpose.

If you must,
Put me in that space,
But don't put me in a box just based on the colour of,
my face.

It is just a skin hue."

-taken from "box"-

Through One And Into Another

she said, "it gets from bad to worse, from the last one to the next one. then you wonder, why you even bothered searching".


i don't agree. for me, it had lead me to different paths. each incomparable, they brought me and introduced me to different worlds. neither was better, nor worse for that matter, than the other.

i never could sell you an orange for an apple, they were just unalike. seen, felt and peeled, how do you compare unless you're downright bias for one and not the other.


but more importantly, it was my decision. undeniably, there are times when i refuse to accept my decisions. i wish i could take them back. i wish they weren't so obviously silly. for once said and done, can never be taken back. everything you do and say may be forgiven, but never forgotten. and its an ugly job, not forgetting impossible too, polishing the already scared surface to its once smooth glory days.

plus, if we want to change our mistakes, then shouldn't we also be willing to change our right decisions into the former? life can't all be that good.

i always believe, we are who we make ourselves to be. everything we do, is by choice. we choose to party, we choose study, we choose to commit.

more importantly with choice, comes a decision. things can always go any way from here. its 50-50 by probability if there were only two choices. so you could get it right, and you could get it not so right.

more prominently with decisions, it leads us back to choice. the road less traveled next, or the obvious one? lets try to weigh out the options first before regretting. though i know haste is always the devil on my shoulder, as hard as i try to shake him off. don't you hate him too sometimes?

How Next?

sometimes i get insanely stressed, i can't sleep.

sometimes i get insanely stressed, i feel like running away.

sometimes i get insanely stressed, i start to eat more than i should.

sometimes i get insanely stressed, my stomach turns into a queasy machine.



and i get insanely stressed everytime i sit for an exam or test. i think i am exam-phobic. or test-allergic. or something like that. because its insane how the insides of my body go out of control during these times. i kinda like studying, but i hate being evaluated.

and its utterly annoying how nervous i get during exams that i start to look like a pea-brain.

-still coping-

Yo B!

If I was your boy,
I think I could understand,
How it feels to love ya gal,
I swear I'd be a better man.
I'd listen to you,
Cause I know how you hurt,
When you lose the one you wanted,
Cause they taking you for granted,
And everything you have got destroyed.

*******

have nothing to blog hence this randomness in conjunction with her arrival. random note, i realized how un-one malaysian i am. i don't even know who's the deputy pm. anyone care to top that?




+ Yo B! i don't think its the wisest choice to pick "tak tergantian" as a song choice to the ward, no? nevertheless, you were amazing. you look stunning. you sound incredible. you are unbelievably gracious. and freaking talented. and and and... i could go on forever, but point made clear i believe.

in case you're lost, click right here.

Two

there are times when things just look worlds apart.

i remember yesterday, as i walked through the aisle, a thought ran across my mind.

"the worst, and the best"

sometimes we can be so opposite. unimaginatively two totally different beings. one a kaleidoscope of colours, another a simple black and white television set of the 50s.

yet be wholly in sync too.

Tin Can Hide & Seek

past few days I've been thinking back old memories.

there was a game we used to play as kids, something very similar with hide & seek, but it had an extra "feature", which was a tin can filled with a few stones, then slightly disfigured (read as: crushed) so that the stones don't fall out. this when shaken, makes a loud noise.

we used to have a huge lawn back then. of course, we were kids and the lawn looked really big when you've got small footsteps.

games goes like this. everyone would gather at a point. now, one person will be elected to throw the tin of stones as far as he could, and the seeker would have to run as fast as he can and grab the tin can then bring it back to the original point.

while the seeker chases to catch the tin can, everyone else runs and finds a place to hide.

the tin can placed back at the station, the seeker then seeks. or if he/she is able to spot someone, he calls out their name and shakes the tin can so everyone can hear someone has been caught.

however, if a person hiding is able to run back to the station and shake the tin can before the seeker gets to the tin can himself, then the hider is safe.

basically, the tin can is either a death call (if the seeker shakes it), or your lifeline (if shaken by the hider). usually, the seeker would play cheat by just staying around the tin can and trying to spot the hiders from the station without going out and seeking.

but if you're a runner, that's definitely an advantage.

i was just thinking, no way kids will be able to play this anymore. we could never find an area so big to hide and seek. unless of course you throw the tin can down the apartments, but i think the seeker will pancit by the time he arrives back to the station.

maybe in future we'll get hide and seek virtual games? kite simulator?


what dodgy games you used to play back then? care to share?

sometimes a tug of the leash,
and you're obedient once again.

The Foxtrot Will Never Agree

she's hot.

but why, are you snogging that short guy?!


I AM HERE AND AVAILABLE!!!

Explosion & Expulsion

kanye west dissing taylor swift at her moment of glory shouldn't be taken so badly.

see it from this point, nobody likes to lose. in the entertainment industry, i guess award shows are true symbolism of your success. the more you win, the more awards, the more recognition, the more success, no? even if you don't agree, i will assume you have agreed.

anyway, what i'm trying to get at is, people don't like to lose. (who does anyway?) smiles and congratulatory words from the loser make them human, not wishing to show their real disappointment and disgust to the world. its not their party, hence they can't cry if they want to, cry if they want to.

again, getting long-winded here. my point is, after kanye west dissed taylor swift, all the other artists ended up voicing out as one (somewhat) and together-gether dissed kanye west saying he's a real piece of shit, like stepping on a kitten, etc etc.

so united.

shouldn't we at least thank kanye west just a little? he deserves some gratitude for attempting world peace. at a time of deep-shit failure and fake happiness, he managed to bring everyone together to look past that, and rejoice in hating him altogether. additionally, the artists should also thank him, for saving them from sinning, with all the lying that would have happen instead.


if you disagree, i might not bother to argue, because i'm just a little exhausted from no reason what and hence this crap i've just blogged. anyway, like i said before, i assume you agree :)



plus, what kanye west said wasn't wrong. he just be speaking the truth, don't be dissing him for speaking no lies. beyonce the bomb!

NG-not

today at the academy my friend and i ended up having a conversation with two indonesian captains who were also in the midst of their type rating training. as usual, the conversation led to "which flying school were you from?". then one of them asked,

he: so what multi engine aircraft did your school have?

me: we flew the diamond-42. but they also had the seneca.

he: seneca?

me: yup. piper seneca.

he: PA??? (aircraft model code)

me: PA34.

he: ohhh. i used to fly that aircraft back when i was in flying school in 1977. but then yours must be the new generation...

me: NOPE *gleams* the old one. way back from the 70s too!


just saying, after more than 30years, still guna yang sama *ahem ahem*

*******

the arrival of nephew number 3 was sudden and nice timing, perhaps too. guess he knows i won't see him around as much as the other two so he decided to pop out when i was back allowing me to welcome him home :)

the boy's got some bruce lee sideburns going on. but more prominent, he's got damn long fingers and feet. that's why, for this blog's name game, i'm gonna nickname him thin-thin-long-long, or TTLL for short. think he'll be less of a tornado without me at home so much during his growing up phase :P



on a random note, with the arrival of nephew number 3, friends talking about marriage, managing the bills, restricted lepak times, and just the other day the gang was talking about how being 22 isn't as fun as saying you're 21 (its more of a blatant statement, then a hurray one)...

can't help but feel a little old.

- a little overboard, i know :P -

+ an old highschool friend just called to invite me to his wedding. whatthehell.

Inexplicable Disaster

screw windshear. screw TCAS. and screw freaking terrains!

omg. i am such a mess. i can't believe the level of stupidity and atrociousness. it was unbelievable damnit!


it wasn't a mere brain fart. it was a damn blackout. a wipe out. it was a freaking dumbass at his best of being a dumbass.


i need to consolidate. i need to recollect myself from this.

when life throws you a curveball, you don't freaking run away from it. you anticipate and LOOK AHEAD!

flights of crosswind-landings ghost. damnit!

and you know what, screw radio stations too! screw radio stations with their akon, black eyed peas, natalie imbruglia and whatever rubbish cause that does not help my frustrations.

I Have Nothing To Say

i checked my junk mail, just in case once again.

i received an email from "S". yes, just S.

with the title,

"would like to find a partner to enjoy life with".




how i wish it was miss serena van der woodsen.

-you can be my sweet dreams, or a beautiful nightmare-

Do I Miss KB?

no, i don't. this is the view out of my room in sepang occasionally.

in the mornings, i get cows too. so in a way, i do get to relive the kota baru days of nature at its best here in sepang as well.


but i really don't miss kota baru.

A Little Less Gratifying

you can be trained with the most professional and skilled teachers in the world.

you can be the angel in front of your parents.

the example student in the thoughts of your tutors.

the chosen one around school.



and people around you can be so proud of you. your achievements, of being able to pass on knowledge to you, or being direct contact to a one of a kind amazing soul.

they'll brag about you. they'll tell everyone you were the best, of the bests. no one can compare to you. they'll defend you through their skin till their bones if someone maligns you. if they could, they'll give you a gold plate for it.

but the truth remains, no matter how well you shape a mould, the mould can take on another figure, or get damage if not looked after with eagle eyes. sometimes, its even hypocritical to see the mould from the front, and then from the back. definitely a coin with two faces.

people can change.

i'm just saying, when you're not what you were turned out to be, then what? it won't always be like playing in your backyard.

Aiyayai-bus

started full flight simulator (ffs) few hours ago. full motion and graphics and real controls. it was crazy.

sitting on the pilot not flying side initially, meaning my role was to monitor, communicate and do other stuff that does not require me to handle the controls, made me go dizzy a bit. it wasn't that feeling of nauseous, but felt like i was going cross-eyed, without the eyes going crossed. maybe my vestibular system was confused with the motion?

flying this aircraft for the first time, was really crazy. the controls were different from the conventional airplanes we used to fly in flying school. there was no normal/alternate/direct law back then.

please excuse the technicalities. but these laws, i'm speaking of, is basically protections for flying so that we don't unintentionally get into an unwanted situation. nothing to do with the ISA.

as wonderful as it may sound, it takes time to understand and accustomed to.

the aircraft is so technologically advanced, that its supposed to make flying easy peasy on normal days. but of course, that requires getting used to. which obviously i'm not.

coming for approach the first time, i could not maintain centreline (basically making snakes in the sky), and almost landed out of the runway, into the mud. so go-around, and return for another approach.

again could not get it right properly, but managed to make a safe and pretty ok landing considering its like the first ever landing on the airbus for me. but then braking was so bad. i could not brake evenly.

got quite the lecture for it. (reminded me of the DA42 days. had a hard time getting used to that cockpit.) thought to myself, and it must be the seating adjustments, feet position, something along those lines weren't correct again.

round 3. again snaking, but not as ridiculous as the first two attempts. managed to land centerline, and braking was wayyyy better, smooth and no jerking. however, it was an under-performed session. the reason could be due to the new aircraft, nevertheless outcome was not good.

" i wanna, i wanna, i wanna touch you,
You wanna touch me too,
Every way and when they set me free,
Just put your hands on me. "

the sidestick (what the steering-wheel is to a car) must be an AllAmericanRejects fan, cause it kept singing that to me.

lesson learnt from today's flight?


don't over control. need to stop putting my hands on the sidestick so much. just let the fingers do the job. amazingly, two fingers is all you need to fly this airbus gracefully. need to remind myself, to think the sidestick is a pile of shit.

you don't want to be touching shit much do you?!

A Delayed Post

for the eleven of us,
the cross junction of our lives were our passion,
and through encouragement from everyone around us,
the belief among ourselves and between each other,
we've made it halfway through our journey.

it's not ending yet,
we've just taken off,
the flight just got airborne,
let's keep the experience awesome,
let's keep cruising along.

-the end of "The Take Off" chapter-

Not The Ice King

i ended up going ice skating with my cousin's two kids. (they're 15 and 10, so able to hang out when i'm in my not so sane mood).

its been years since i've been ice skating, or even roller blading, basically anything else than shoes/slippers on my feet. the last time i went ice skating was with the doctor and his brother the dj. remember when atta? cause i don't. could it be a decade ago???

i did not fall, lucky me hahaha... but ya know, one thing i realized, if you know how to roller blade, its pretty much the same with skates on ice. it all starts with being able to stand up, that's the hardest part. then its just trying to glide.

no, i'm not even 1% of an Xgames person. but i think i can survive pretty well from looking like a complete fool on blades. just make sure its a straight and level path ahead, thank you. else it'd be disney on ice.

after all these years, i found out one main ingredient about surviving on blades. its all about tying your laces. i admit, i'm the most laziest person and never used to tie em up to the top. that explains why my legs kept bending in like a freakin duck.

what's so thrilling about ice skating besides feeling like a mighty duck zooming in to take the penalty? well i'd have to say, the other joy from it is watching people fall. its quite hilarious. especially those who think they're really good at it. they prance around showing off their skills, then they fall, along with their egos =D


most valuable lesson i've learnt from skating:

if you're going relatively fast (in your own opinion), the easiest and fastest way to lose all that momentum, is to crash into the wall. saved me more than once from banging into others :)

happy merdeka people!

Terlalu Istimewa Untuk Dikongsi

wahai kawanku berjejari tulus magikal bagaikan si tuan maksim,

seribu patah takkan mencukupi untuk melafazkan kepuasan aku tertawa sepanjang hari semalam, hingga kini. kegembiraan hujung minggu lalu, sukar difikirkan sempurna sekarang tanpa kau, selepas membacakan dan merasakan keperitan perutku yang tersekat-sekat ketawa tak mengerti budi pekerti.

usahku fikirkan masa depan, sebab percayakan publisiti mu memang pasti akan membawakan dewi idaman ke arah hala tuju hidupku.

wahai kawanku yang suka ria bermanja-manjaan dengan si beritma gegendang barat,

terima kasih setinggi-tingginya atas segala nasihat dan kenangan manis akhiran dua tahun yang lalu. tanpanya, bergelora hidup aku bagaikan nakhoda di lautan terumbang-ambing. ku amat bertuah kerana bertemu dengan sahabat yang begitu baik, takkan ku lupakan kegilaan mu, tak pernah ku fikirkan sahabatku mampu merasakan tahap kebanggaan begitu sehingga kini.

sahabatku yang menakjubkan,

kau memang buat aku tersenyum lebar bagaikan lelaki terlepas hospital yang ramai katakan indah permai. ramai juga mesti tertanyakan diri, wujudkah sahabat begitu dinamis sekali rendah diri bagaikan kamu? nasib baik aku dikurniakan dengan jawapan "ya".


moga kita saling menghairankan diri hingga ke akhirat,
eksibit pertama mu.

*******

for those who are oblivious and actually stayed on till here to read, please proceed to:

Miss Drumma Boi

Fruitful Recollection

its time,
no more putting off,
procrastinations or delays,
of what i must,
before it breaks,
and before they rot.

i gathered all i could muster,
placed them to bask,
but its been there too long,
and the handle is about split.

its time,
to put some in the cooler,
for another day,
some for now,
not just for me,
some on the dining,
a show off for the new,
and save for a bite of dessert later.

but most importantly,
i'm taking back the shiniest one,
i know undoubtedly will turn sour,
that longed your wanting,
craved to stay in your view,
never intended to be forgotten.

I Think, Enjoy A Little Bit More

we tend to jump into things abruptly, without much thinking. from petty little things, to huge steps of giant leaps. that's human nature, not?

i obviously cannot act guilt-free of this.

the thing is, as much advices and warnings we get, sometimes we just itch to do something we know obscurely about. we hope what we've been advised and warned about, would not be true. adventurous, and sometimes wanting to prove them wrong.

sometimes, i just want to feel it for myself. i feel, people give negative input, cause maybe it has really good reapings, and they wanna keep it for themselves.

reality check, as prone as we are to give out advices to someone else about something we know is seriously damage-bound, i sometimes just hate being the receiving end. the other person handing out the advice, would just seem naggy, and know-it-all. and the more i wanna defer them.

i perceive in life, we just gotta taste it for ourselves. get shot in the bum, burnt on the hand, and broken in confidence. observers would end up lamenting, "i told you so". yet, we need to experience it for ourselves. we can't always be taking their words 100%. and so what if they were right, to err is human, don't you agree? and from damages, we bounce back with avengence!

as much as i'd like to disagree with someone, maybe this time i shall hold back my words from sounding like a wet blanket. i shall progress instead, and allow things to happen, away from the norm. i shall be the ab.

and honestly, how sure am i of the outcome. conclusions are just perceptions and thoughts chronicled in my head by my skeptical mind. life is not a maths question, with a definite formula.


in the words of highschool-ers, "cuba, try, test" is the way to go.

You Must Be Outta Your Mind

ever had the experience of being disappointed by things out of your control?

like if you had a pet, and you thought it to cook pancakes or identify the countries on a map or something spectacular like that, bragged about it to your friends, but when they come over, your pet just stares at you with blank eyes hinting "i'm just a pet", and your friends declare you a weirdo henceforth?

or even present with a proud parent who shows off their child who just spoke his/her first word, yet when the parents prompts the kid to do so, the kid just blinks his/her eyes or runs away? and you'd stand with self-contained laughter watching the helpless parent, then force yourself to say some comforting words?

or something more personal. ever had a spoiled item? which after days of not working, you decide, its time to see the doctor and get it fixed. but when you reach the store and the hands of God checks it, its working fine. damnit!

ever?

i had the last experience recently. with the car radio. i was driving back from kl to jb the other day, and just before getting on the highway, the radio goes out. damnit! no radio! but i already had plans with the cds and what song to singalong!

its ok. i was still in happy mode driving back down even without the radio working. next day, radio still malfunctioned, i bring it to the workshop. and ta dah! its working now.

so the worker thinks i'm hallucinating. i tell him, it could be the wiring, please check it. he goes, "no la. radio problem. need to change". i'm telling you its the wiring, coz the radio's on, but there's just no audio. realizing its not going anywhere, i said nevermind, maybe the radio miraculously repaired itself. and so it worked fine the next few days.

the day i'm heading back to kl, just before i hit the highway, audio goes "kerk kerk... *silence*".

i.am.convinced.the.radio.is.highway.intolerant.

bless the creation of mp3 handphones, though.

*******

today, someone asked me, what does the " A/L " in my name mean. "anak lelaki", or "son of" in english, i said.

reminded me couple years back, while announcing results, this particular educator announced my name,

"sharman al-rabendharen ..."


arabic suddenly. yo habibi!

*******

the other day, someone called my friend's bro, "habibi". he actually googled it out.

Dunk The Junk

has anyone of you checked your junk mail before?

side note, after one email that changed the rest of my life went into my junk email previously, i make it a habit to check the contents to confirm they are junk. don't want a deja vu of that event. hence the reason i check my junk mails, if you're even wondering why i bother.

its disturbing to find an overdose mails about penis enlargement pills and viagra. is that such a huge issue? ok gosh, no pun intended.

i don't know about you, but its pretty frightening to see such an amount of advertisements. is the market so viable? are there sooooo many unhappy men? or men unhappy with their boys? hmmm...

then there is the countless UK lottery mails i get, saying i won millions. IF ONLY IT WERE TRUE. a lil extra cash never hurts ya know!

*******

i hate when songs get stuck in my head.

like today, cascada's "evacuate the dancefloor".

it kept replaying over and over. the same sentence, cause my brain can't remember the whole song. its annoying cause it affects my flow pattern.

but that doesn't mean i hate the song hahaha

*******

speaking of songs, i think i have a pretty good ear for good stuff. don't know if you guys noticed, but lady gaga's wave actually took some time before it became a phenomenon. hitz tv was already playing "just dance" way before it hit the radio airways in our region.

i got hooked on it then.

bout a week later i went clubbing with my sis, and they played "just dance" but very techno-remixed, which screwed the song, but the lyrics are just too catchy to forget. so sat in the club, bouncing my head to the lyrics. sis went, "you know this song?", in a very wth kinda way, coz it sounded damn feng tau.


probably a month later, people started noticing "just dance". and i started switching radio channels everytime i heard her song, coz i was sick of it already.

utter random post, don't you agree?

Broken Barrier

i met someone the other night. a person i knew from the schooling days, but not personally. human contact was minimal, the basic hi and bye, occasional one or two questions exchanged a month if need be, or else none, even though we met at least once a week for nearly 6 years.

that's a lot of meetings come to think about it. but i wasn't the social elite, nor did bother to be one growing up. hence the no communication.

after many years, we found ourselves at a common place.

back those days, both of us would never bother exchanging words. the other night, it was different. i found myself starting out with petty conversation, you know the type where you say stuff just because you have not met in years, and act interested. i felt obliged, courtesy's sake.

then the awkward happened. i found myself having a normal conversation, albeit i must admit certain topics went ways i had not planned. kinda basically stepped on his foot, and downgraded his other half, unintentionally.

if i only knew.

the thing is, when we talked, it seemed like we actually were friends, instead of mere acquaintances which was the truth. i found myself amused at the situation. does maturity break down barriers? or was there a reason to hop over the wall?

i shall not think further. the important thing is, i'm happy with where i am, and who i am now. life makes surprising twists. accept it, then maybe you'll see the point.

Wish I Could Scratch

down with an itchy throat, and instead of sucking on the strepsil's i bought, i'm chowing down on marshmellow. who created this stuff anyways?


empty calories. pfffftttt. for now, i don't care.

marshmellows ---> :D

Random

think i woke up wrong side of the bed when these two situations occurred. no other explanation for my annoyance i can find :P

@fast food joint 1 (famous for chicken)

local customer: can i have a hot drink instead?

cashier: yes, sure. coffee or tea?

local customer: tea.

cashier: ok.

local customer: tea tarik?

cashier: errr no. just normally tea, you add sugar and creamer yourself.

i never knew america had teh tarik, oh wait, i mean tea tarik. the slang won't help cover your 100% asian looks, and 100% asian knowledge!


@fast food joint 2 (famous for floats)

caucasian customer: ... i'll have that and ice lemon tea.

cashier: no, sir. cannot change drink. you must take ala carte then.

caucasian customer: (totally oblivious to what she says) yes, i'll have ice lemon tea.

cashier: so no set, sir. one ala carte "something" and ice lemon tea?

caucasian customer: no, i want the set. but i don't want the float, get me an ice lemon tea.

(this goes on for another 2minutes with the slowest two-way understanding conversation. then remember there are not one, but two caucasians, and the other guy follows suit and has the same do-or-die situation, so the cycle replayed again. THEN the cashier says, no ice lemon tea, peach tea, okay? it felt forever to my turn.)

caucasian customer: *tries to joke* no flies with that.

hmmm. ha ha?

cashier then goes: ok sir, total is RM xx.xx. burger nanti kita akan hantar.


aduhhhh pompuan, prasan tak kustemer tuh orang puteh. kau ni apasal nak berbahasa? nak bm pun, beli lah dia orang dewan bahasa & pustaka dulu. belas kasihan lah dengan si ngok-ngok kat depan kau tuh, ngok.

-sometimes i get ideas. then i forget them. shit-

Tigress

i had a damnDAMNdamn weird dream last night.

i dreamed i had a half sister that was a tiger.

literally a tiger, with paws, whiskers, yellow and black stripes. and fyi, i was sober last night.

it was such a random, tak masuk akal dream. i don't know about you, but i'm amazed at how realistic these kinda weird things are in dreams. in lala land, it seems possible to actually have a tiger as a sibling.

then i was on a mysterious journey searching for something i can't remember, ala sylar's quest for his long lost father in heroes. complete with a road trip, rundown mamak shops, and frequent memory loss of the unknown. though it would have been more fun if i had abilities. maybe i did have, can't remember.

think it must've been influenced by the heroes i was watching earlier. season 3 kinda boring i must say. 1st was the best thus far. (random)

-last day of july!-

Talentime-less

if you haven't heard already, yasmin ahmad the film maker has passed away.

i think she deserves much appreciation for what she has done to us malaysians, no wait, to everyone that has watched her art. she has made those ignorant, or tried her level best, see what she sees.

truly, she saw no barrier between one from another.

but most of all, her guts were downright admirable. she dared to do the impossible in our restricted-minded society. she faced the worst, even though she spoke the truth.

sometimes you wonder, is honesty really the best policy looking back on her feedbacks. where does all those so-called moral values you learnt back in highschool fall to? you wonder even more, if pre-historic people ever went to school.

she was the only film maker in malaysia that i thought worth watching. besides her flair for honesty, her movies were also thought provoking. artistic, yet really interesting.

i would never have imagined myself enjoying a malaysian movie when i was young.

she changed that perception forever.

-i will not-

Being Managed

been busy with the MFTD sessions past few days. learning new stuff, and the wonders about the aircraft's computation systems.

for all to know, auto-pilot is exactly just push-the-button and fly. you need to know which buttons to turn, which to pull, which to push. learning the basics of the auto-pilot isn't as direct as i'd expected. it did get me a lil confused, but i'm sure all will be understood in due time.

so many functions to know, with so little time. BUTbutBUT it is awesome.


sessions were also extra enjoyable since it was with a really pleasant captain. he says he's more familiar with london, compared to kuala lumpur. send him to museums and parks in london, and the tube's no problem for him. but send him to kl, and he'll get lost.

that's how much time he's spent in london. wow.

we got in a little conversation about dangerous goods today. and he said,

"we learn about dga (dangerous goods awareness), but the most dangerous of them all, are those in the tight hot red skirts!"

then during breakfast at the cafe, he remarked about a pretty crowd in front of us,

"see here. now, these are all the dangerous goods i was talking about".

"hahaha yes, sir!"

"ok stop looking at them, sharman. they're too wild for you".


hmmmm that's a first.



"but sir, sometimes its alright to be in managed mode", i quipped.

*******

when life gives you lemon, you make lemonade.

but i want durians. yellow, aromatic, suckullent durians. heh, get what you want.

Possible Posterboy

i'm telling you. NigelBiscuitBoy could be the greatest posterboy for tiger biscuit. the other day i showed him this picture, and asked him who's that baby.

he replied: that is..... baby with tiger biscuit.

this is actually NigelBiscuitBoy himself wayyyy back.

then he corrects himself,

" that is baby with MY tiger biscuit. "


power right.

*******

She's down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win
Its hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down.

-current addiction rob thomas's her diamonds-

I Got The Blue

finally licence has been processed. so i went down to the office in damansara to get it. (managed to navigate myself there somehow, though i did get lost, but just a little bit. big achievement since i know hoots about kl roads)

as i was heading to the office, i passed several workers in that building. culture cultivated, i smiled and greeted them with "good morning".


only to be stared down like a downright illegal immigrant waiting to be ferried back to my country. some plainly ignored my existence, and walked passed arrogantly. got me thinking, what was i doing wrong? why were they treating me like the black sheep?

then i realized, it just wasn't their culture.

*******

'

i have noticed that somethings i write here are misunderstood. i try to write in a very general way. no one should be full of themselves to think that i am writing about them. please don't perceive unnecessary thoughts. if there's anything to go by with this page, acknowledge only if you are clearly stated.

.

.

besides, only i am legal to be full of myself here. thank you :D

Serving The Smiling Customer

i was at this particular service office to replace an item which had become faulty.

it was a week day, nearing end of office hour. the waiting room was empty except for a lady and me. there was only one worker visible behind the desk, and she was trying her best to alleviate the problem of this man, who i later found out was accompanied by the lady in the waiting room. their "discussion" went on for quite some time.

it had been nearly 20mins before my number was called, and realized that there was more than one worker behind the desk. the man and the other worker still had not been able to settle the problem, which they found out was entirely the company's fault from the very begining.

i couldn't help but laugh at how the worker tried her best to reason with the man. all this in mandrin, so i guess they didn't know what i was laughing about. my case was a lot more simpler, so i had loadz of spare time to listen on their audible conversation. didn't help that the counters were just beside each other.

after another 10mins went by, finally they managed to settle the man's problem. then 2 ladies walked in sounding chirpy.

worker 1: they so excited.

worker 2: well i'm not excited.



one of the ladies came to the counter and enquired,

lady: what's your promotion?

worker 1: no promotion.

lady: how about discount?

worker 1: no discount.

lady: then what's so good about your company?

me: can start with the complaints :)


a bit too loud cause the workers heard it and started laughing. well i paid lotsa attention to the previous drama to pick it all up!

It Was Heart Stopping

to put it lightly, when IvanTheTerrible suddenly tells me while sitting in the hall watching tv,

"uncle sharman, i saw your girlfriend".

me: "huh?"

"yes i saw your girlfriend. and she was with the man. and he was looking at her. i saw your girlfriend, uncle sharman".

i was shocked. absolutely wtf moment. first of all, who was the girlfriend that i've yet to meet. when did i introduce her to him? and secondly, why was she with another man? downright humiliating. bad light for me.

curiously i asked, "what you mean, ivan?"

he replies, "i saw your girlfriend. on the tv, with the man on the bed. she was dancing."


-.-'' then only i realized that he had just seen beyonce's "halo" videoclip. my nephew knows me too well. the obsession :P while watching the BET awards, he said the same thing when beyonce came on. i thought him too much, i think lol

and he wasn't all that wrong anyway. beyonce's mine. but she's in bed with jay-z unfortunately.

keep dreaming!

Lie With Me

Leila, I'm not gonna leave...

'

'

Please, open the door.

*******

it's 10 ten hours bottle to throttle. didn't say anything about thrust levers!

Probed

my mind is.

been awhile since the last post. bit busy, plus without a connection as of yet at the rumah bujang (bak kata mak cik sekuriti).

past week has been filled with MFTD (maintenance & flight training device) sessions. an MFTD is similar to a simulator, but without the motion, or any graphic that shows movement. its a touch screen mock cockpit to put it simple.

'

these sessions were just like a welcome to the airbus family, i feel. familiarizion with the cockpit layout, cause different aircrafts have different cockpits, you don't want your hands hanging in the air searching for switches like doing the hokey-pokey. it was kinda cool, computarization and all. getting used to setting things up.

'

the last day, we entered the real simulator. THE cockpit was awesome. the thrust levers were just ass-kicking! awe-struck in there.

these sessions were just introduction, many to go. much experience to come.

reminder to self: working in a multi crew cockpit is rather different. need to get used to task sharing. need to get used to teamwork. loadz to work on that. enough of screwing up, sharman.

********

some pics on my laptop from 2 years ago, left abandon and forgotten. found em, and i thought of sharing. remember, they're a lil bigger and bugger now.

IvanTheTerrible supposedly as karate kid, hence the "bandana". which actually was the cloth used to tie the curtain.

NigelBiscuitBoy is crazy over tiger biscuit. seriously. the other day while shopping for groceries, he sat in the trolley. my sis placed a pack of tiger biscuit in the trolley, and he gushed:

"i lurrrrrrve tiger biscuit"

charming. advertorial material.

*******

my mind is boggled a little. do i really keep things to myself? *wonders* or maybe i'm just being a lil paranoid as usual.