Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Deep Slumber

I never knew the anesthesia would last for so long. I was out for almost 14 hours. I wonder if my lack of sleep that day had any effect for my knock out.

I remember the nurses coming to check my blood pressure and temperature every hour. Each time they came, I would only be awake for about 5 seconds then I'd be back to slumber land.

I remember my throat feeling uncomfortable after the operation. Like I had phlegm stuck there. You know how annoying that is? It felt worse because it hurt when I tried to clear it, and the anesthesia made me feel woozy. The good thing was, the anesthesia made me feel woozy. So after a few attempts to get it cleared away, I decided to wave the white flag and go back to my deep slumber. Not hard to do at all.

But then I'd wake up every so often for a few seconds and I'd feel that uncomfortable phlegm stuck in my throat again. It's really really really annoying because I felt really helpless unable to do anything about it. I couldn't even whine!

So finally after many 5 seconds wake, I decided enough was enough and I could not take it any longer. I mustered all my energy I could find and tried to signal my bedside buddies for help.

I. Needed. To. Spit.

I turned. They brough me a cup. I closed my eyes. Held my breath. And cleared my throat. Ouch. Dammit.

Then spat that damned phlegm out of my mouth. I felt like a warrior that just owned a monster-that-wiped-out-an-entire-village.

In my semi-conscious state, I stared blankly. Baffled. What just came out of my mouth? That doesn't look green. Or yellow. Matter of fact, it's blood red. Fuck. Did the doctor tingle with my eyes instead? Have I gone colour blind?

Why is it red?!

Suddenly I felt like a boxing champ because I needed to spit out more blood. Round two.

Then panic loomed again. Why was I spitting blood? Is this normal? Should I be freaking out instead? I felt kinda cool because usually when people spit out blood, they're in pain but I didn't feel anything. I was doing it effortlessly. BUT WHY WAS I SPITTING OUT BLOOD? Was there some internal bleeding I should be worried about? Did I need to see the doctor again? Was I going to die? I did what I thought was the best idea then. If I was going to die then...


I'm going to sleep on it first. This anesthesia is doing me too good.


Saturday, May 26, 2012

Balled Out Of My Mouth

I decided to get my tonsils removed a few days ago, and now I'm food deprieved. I can't wait to have my solid food again. But the frappes are a welcome!

I was initially looking forward to this operation, to the better quality of life it promised and because it was my first ever operation. You know, the excitement of doing something for the very first time? Yes I'm weird. Then as the days got nearer, I started to freak out a little. I started wondering the what if's. What if things go wrong? What if they find something they weren't suppose to? What if I wake up in the middle of the op? What if...

I have a side of me that has affinity for morbid thoughts.

Well the day came, and as I sat in the room with the ReliableOne counting down the minutes, I began to wonder.

Were they really going to wheel me down in my bed? I felt like I was taking advantage of these nice nurses. Perfectly healthy (except the tonsils) 25 year old over-stretched human being going for a free ride. That's not how my momma taught me. Or was I gonna walk down to the OT? Walking around in the gown made me feel obscene and that would be so undramatic of an entrance, no?

So in the end, I was wheeled down in my bed. There I lay, not sure where to look, what to think of, what to do. I tried to act natural and look at the ceiling, but not knowing where I was going was even more nerve-wrecking. In the cockpit, we always have one of the pilot's heads up. Usually that's me because I like to see what's coming. Hence, I felt a bit crippled and out of my place in that bed.

Let me just say, for my years of being infatuated with Grey's Anatomy, being a patient surely feels shitty. You're like a slab of meat being pushed around, nervous and cold. Then everyone around is prancing about doing something important, and you're just there humming to yourself. They lift you, slide you, poke you, and you realize the Operating Theater isn't that grand. Or much of a theater at all. So much for dreaming of a concert. It felt a little morgue-ish in fact.

The anesthetic doctor was a kind old man. He tried to entertain me, asking me what I did, where I studied. But I was plain nervous giving him simplest answers. Then I met my ENT for a whole 2 seconds, said hello and went missing. Then I was back to mr anesthetic and he was telling me what he was going to intoxicate me with. He said he was starting with the painkillers, and that's going to make me sleepy.

I was flying by the end of that shot.

Seriously, I felt why would I need anesthetic if I already felt mighty fine with just the painkillers alone? Then the anesthetic kicked in.

And I was knocked out cold.

For a surgery that was suppose to take half an hour, I decided to be a bloody patient. Took the doctors an hour and ten minutes instead ;p


Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Dear Dan Dan


Sudden weight upon my back. Sticky fingers round my eyes. Cheerio breath in my face.

'Da-Daaah! Guess Who?'

You never had to guess with Daniel. Perched on the stairs above the landing. Same ambush every time.

I might step aside, let him crash into the wall. Or play along if I felt kind. Fight back more often, floor him. Times I really did forget. Not many.

'Da-Daaah! Guess What?'

'Did you see the hillycopters? Can you guess where I was hiding?'

Oh, Dan. I wish.

- "Hide & Seek" -