This December

december is always a bittersweet moment. the end of the year to reflect what exactly we've done, achieved, and reached short of. it's a time to soothe the mind by saying "we'll get it right next year", but do we ever? there's nothing like broken promises with ourselves.

it's always easy to forget the little important things we've done, at least for me. the friendships we've gained, the memories we've saved, the things we've learnt along the way, and situations we swear never to get involved with again. this year, i will acknowledge my shortfalls because i am only human to make mistakes. but this year as well, i am more thankful for everything i have. i am only getting older by the day, why live in regret?

december marks important birth dates for me. two of 'em my nephews. IvanTheTerrible on the 1st, and NigelBiscuitBoy on the 12th. it cracked me up when NBB grunted, "kor kor always celebrate his birthday on december one. mine on the december 12. next year i want to be first. i want to celebrate on december one". how do you explain to a kid that he can't choose his birth date?

then there's ITT. i was 16 when he arrived and officially "upgraded" me to uncle status. now he's seven. it's amazing to see him all grown up, but can't say the same with the uncle :p

the other day, he started reading my not-so-kid-friendly tee. "please do not touch, lick, stroke, or mount the exhibit". wowww kid. since when you learnt how to read so well?! thank God he didn't know the meaning.

it's so easy to get drifted away with the unnecessary. i just wanna live it to the fullest, love family and friends, and enjoy life while i can. wishing all a helluva year-end fiesta!

*******

" if you can make it through the first weeks and months,

if you believe that healing is possible,

then you can get your life back.

but that's a big 'if'. "

-grey's anatomy s07e10-

On The Breakfast Medley

Aircraft: establish localizer 11 right.

Controller: are you sure?

I burst out laughing when I heard that. Its not standard words to be used, and the way the controller questioned the aircraft, I wasn't sure if it was disbelief or just trying to fool around.

I know lame. But who cares. Its STILL my blog.

Anyways, as I looked through the newspaper, there was an ad about an education fair. As usual, one of the highlights were career guidance, to see what "profession" suits you best.

I'm thinking of heading there just for the fun of it, and see what they think I should be doing. Wonder what they'll make of "my future"...

Never really believed in it. Do you? I mean if certain people were meant to be doing only a certain type of job, then I don't think life would be what it is. There won't be excitement or diversity or versatility or creativity or controversy if everyone was just like-minded and hey-ho-hum-dee-dum-dum agreeable on everything. Sure, there'll be a lot less miserable people, but I don't believe in stereotyping.

I don't wanna live inside these lines you drew for me.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Toiletbowl Read

The internet at home is out, got struck by lightning. Hence the absence from the cyber world. Oh gosh. I'm such a tech noob, even noob would be an overstatement.

Anyways, as always so much to say, so lazy to type it out. Especially now from the bb. Will leave y'all with a pic instead. Seriously people, don't you have standards to go by before you go public? Some people need to be damned for such an eyesore.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Spread Some Jam

after twelve days of bumming, it was finally time to get back to work. reality check, and a rude awakening from this slumber, i wasn't ready to head back to work. but i had to.

who was gonna support me? :P

i must admit, i was a little apprehensive heading back to the office. after such a long hiatus, skills were becoming a bit rusty. thankfully, captain was understanding and helpful. eased me back to the flow and order of it all. certain things have changed though. like the weather has become notorious, and the airspace in kl has become pretty congested.

as we headed back to kl, flying in from the east towards the peninsula just before kuala terengganu, we're given information to slow down and cross a certain waypoint at a given time. i laughed at a thought.

my friends out of aviation usually ask, jokingly, "how's the traffic up there? got traffic jam or not?". i'm not sure what kind of answer they expect, but they are always stunned when i say it's crazy up there in the skies. it's too high in the sky for you to see what's going on, but if only you knew how busy it was. commercial aircrafts are huge, but up at 20-odd thousand feet, we are invisible in the sky.

just to be clear, there are no traffic lights or road blocks up there.

instead, our traffic jam works differently. either: one, we slow down (you can hear the engines calm down significantly), or two, we do holding patterns in the sky. nope not funky moves, holding patterns are race course tracks. so if you feel your aircraft is turning 180degress every minute, well then you know there's a "traffic jam". and this seems to be the norm of late coming into kl. might be because of the surprising weather these days.

or maybe my friends are just stunned that i'm so explanatory. can't help it. it's what i face everyday i go to work, and it's a huge deal to us and our stress levels. oh well. this is me.

*******

" you must be religious.

oh no not religious,

you're holy.

H-O-L-E-Y!

see the clouds spread apart for you,

like moses spreading the red sea,

you go between the legs,

always looking for hole.

i'm gonna tell your daddy,

you're so dirty minded.

don't want to fly with you again.

on ground look hole,

in the air also look hole (between clouds)!"

Livin' On A Prayer

"you can't have your cake,

and eat it too."

isn't it ironic?

because,

"you dig your grave,

you lie in it."

Have a Little Faith

As I read the first few pages from mitch albom's book, I felt like I was being transported back.

As much as I love writing, at that particular time, my mind froze. I could not phrase a sentence. I could not make out the meanings of words. At a time when my writing could come to good use, I could not. I could not figure my mind. My hands shivered. I trembled holding a pencil, even though I forgot how to write the alphabets. I could not feel.

It's still a situation I doubt I can handle. But as I looked up to the mute lady who came up to me trying to sell her keychains to earn an honest living, or the dude in a wheelchair who confidently maneuvered up and down the escalators like tony hawk on a skateboard, I think having a little faith in someone or something should be a wise place to start when you keep running away.

I always ran away. Maybe it's time to run the opposite direction.

*******

just got amazing news about a friend. life works in mysterious ways. karma is awesome, because good things happen to good people.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

You Again

during deepavali lunch, a close friend of mine saw my sister's wedding picture standing at the corner of the hall, to which she commented:

she: wow. you're sis never change!

me: what do you mean? *i didn't realize she saw the pic*

she: since she got married till now, she still look the same.

me: oh okay. she'll be very happy you said that :D

to which i conveyed the message to my mother since sis was out.

me: mom. she says anita never age.

mom: what?

she: your daughter. look the same from her wedding day till now. her skin so nice.

*mom just smiles*

she: your daughter's skin like glowing. so radiant.

mom: well she doesn't use any products. it's in the genes! *laughs*

friend then turns to me,

she: actually you also have it.

me: oh no. mine is all product :)

*******

i've finally got to cleaning up my stuff at home.

really backdated stuff from highschool.

stuff from 7years ago?

from my study table, study books, to all my clothes.

notes from school,

random notes,

cards,

resume for MAS,

bad pictures,

public speaking speech.

most have gone to the garbage bin.

can't hold on to the past for too long eh?

i want my colourful life,

away from the faded past.

I'll Be Your Rockstar

i went to the doctors again yesterday because my tonsils are still irritating me. the usual doc wasn't in, think he went for festive holidays already. instead it was a lady doctor with an english accent. maybe she studied abroad? the conversation:

she: so what's the problem?

me: i had tonsils few days ago, it's gone down, but it's still irritating.

she: let's have a look.

*opens mouth*

she: well it's going down. not much i can do. should be back to normal in a few days. just a matter of time. i can't give you antibiotics.

me: but it's the festive season. i wanna be ok.

she: a bit too late for that :)

me: it's the festive season.

she: well stay away from spicy and oily food. like briyani, curry, muruku...

me: yea i'll stick to white rice this year.

she: *eyes wide open* yes. white rice. maybe some soup?

me: not part of the menu, but i'll see what mom can do *squints eyes* ... maybe some lozanges will help? since i'm already here. it gets hard to talk. there's phlegm when i speak. sometimes it's hard to finish a sentence. the throat is irritating me.

she: then don't talk *smiles*

me: (i didn't see that medical advice coming my way) i can't. it's part of my job. it's just very scratchy.

she: rockstar. maybe you're on your way to being a rockstar.

me *one eyebrow raised*

she: scratchy voice. husky. maybe you could be rod stewart. or are you too young to know who rod stewart is?

me: i know who he is.

am i not suppose to know who rod stewart is? or do i look like i just came out of highschool? hmmmm... but for the love of God. me singing? i cannot hold a note to save the queen of england and you think i can be a rockstar? that's too nice bordering sarcasm :P

*******

the other day while walking to the aircraft,

one of the crew asked me,

"besides your name, which part of you is indian?"

after thinking for a sufficient time,

trying to be the least crude,

i replied while lifting my pants,

"i've got hairy legs?"

then she stormed off while yelling,

"euwww. sharman. not this early in the morning.

damn disgusting."

i stress again,

i tried to be the least crude :P

happy deepavali everyone!

wishing you good food, good times,

and all good things!

Chasing Sunsets

it's been quite a downer of a week. my watch strap has broken. now, the seconds needle has come loose. i don't want to get a new one because i love it. it was a present. too much value to be left forgotten. gotta get it fixed asap.

and to my horror, i dropped my love. not my car, of course. i can't possibly drop my car. my other love, my bb. now it's got a little crack at the top. my heart is shattered.

the other day, i forgot my airport pass when i went to work. luckily it was in my car. but you know, the carpark isn't exactly nearby. already the mighty sun was scorching, by the time i reached the office again, i looked and felt like i just came out the sauna.

i haven't been to the gym in ages. this belly isn't going away by itself, sharman. reason? carry on reading.

i had three days off which i spent wailing and still wailing from my omnipresent tonsilitis. i could barely speak at one point because it was so irritant. i couldn't fly because it was inflamed till my ears were blocked. i never got it this bad. yes, i'm considering getting it removed. does company insurance cover? hmmm...

that's a lot of whining. now, something to look forward to. annual leave starting the 4th. home, here i come. if i hadn't been to the gym in ages, well then i haven't been back in jb for decades. i miss home. deepavali with the family.

in the words of destiny's child, to spend some quality t-i-m-e.

i have this obsession. i think the sunsets i get to see, are amazing. it's quite a different view from up there. it feels like you're chasing it. but you're never getting there. everytime it's a game of despair. but i never give up. coz i know if i give up, it'll be the end of me. a pointless journey. for i always think of what could be. what if one day, i do catch up with the sunset as crazy as it sounds? what if one day everything falls into place? no more questions left unanswered? what if.

*******

in aviation telephony/pilot language,

"roger" basically means understand.

i don't know how the term came up,

i don't wanna know,

because it's a term i was taught not to use.

it's just a little too vague of a reply.

inconclusive.

anyway,

in india,

when you communicate with the air traffic controller,

they love to reply you with a "roger".

except,

it sounds more like a "raj".

silent "er" i guess?

it's a lame joke,

but everytime i get that,

i'd think,

"i'm no raj. i'm sharman"

so i literally laughed my ass off,

when the captain turned to me and said,

"who the **** is raj?!"

sheepishly.

Don't Stop, Get It Get It

this month marks one year since i actually laid my ass in an actual A320 co-pilot seat. this day would be exactly a year and a week of me sitting on the right hand seat.

i do feel proud. i never expected or dreamed to reach this far. sometimes, it still feels out of this world. all the early part of your life you spent studying, and look forward to the day you're actually worth something to society, and not just a wasted sperm. here i am now, one year into it, and loving it.

this is the autopilot, dear readers.

we still have to "manipulate" it. it makes life easier,

but that doesn't mean it requires zero brains to work it ;)

i know i whine about going to work a helluva lot of times. but honestly, when i'm the seat, i do enjoy the work. i like it when i'm introduced in the announcements as the co-pilot. just to reaffirm that my existence counts, you know? and the uniform, in the words of will smith, "i make this look good". lmao.

it's no full-fledged airline, and we don't aim to be. a lot of things we do here, all the knowledge we learn and use, i do appreciate. i don't think i'd get this much exposure and experience anywhere else. maybe in future i'll get bored of it, but for now, i'm savouring it.

time flies, and i don't feel like it's been a year at all. but recounting back the experience, i do feel i've learnt a lot. just last week i encountered wake turbulence during landing from a fellow A320 aircraft. i never expected that.

a lot of people think that flying is like driving. you get the keys and head out. but our "job" looks easy because what many don't understand, is that a lot of the work is done on ground. we don't just take off and head to our destinations. weather, notices, aircraft performances, flight plans (routes and fuel) needs to checked and calculated. in the aircraft, certificates, safety equipment, cockpit checks will be carried out. and a whole lot of other things, i won't bore you with the details.

the thing is, i used to get frustrated when people say my job is so nice. yes it is. but don't give me a trying-to-be-tear-jerker story that your life sucks. you've had your opportunities, mine came a little later. while you enjoyed your life initially, i did not. it's the choices we make that make the difference. the things i've had to put up with, wasn't easy. as my cousin always says, nobody will know what you're going through except yourself. i've never shared them with you, doesn't mean it never happened. i opted this.

i've met a lot of people in recent times. most have so much to say negatively. while i appreciate their opinions and right to individualism, as such i hold back my own comments because i choose to be this individual instead, i think the root of the problem would be your outlook on life. we've got our priorities on odds i think. so now, i don't bother getting my frustration levels riding high. i just sit and smile. least i can do.

moving on, while the company celebrates its phenomenal feat of 1,000,000,000th guest, i'm nearing my 1000 flying hours. one thousand hours in an airplane making haley williams wish come true. one thousand hours of having peoples' lives in my hand. one thousand hours of having a dream come true, and possibly making dreams realized for others too. may not be much of a feat for some, but for someone who was once climbing trees, it makes a difference.

my life is here and now. as cliche as it sounds, i'd do it over again, not one bit different.

Paint Me Yellow

i don't speak for everyone on this. i admit, when the traffic gets heavy on the road, when i'm tired of singing to my favourites tunes like a deaf karaoke singer, i allow my eyes to wander like an unfaithful son of a gun.

it's nice to know, i'm not the only one doing it :)

-

this episode of glee was haunting on so many levels.

even more so this song. i hate this feeling.

i can never understand why i have to experience it.

Don't Dream It's Over

the aussie trip didn't work out. so around asia we went.

phuket-hong kong-bangkok. and now i'm in penang. back to kl tomorrow.

sweaty phuket, amazing hong kong, party bangkok. there's so much life out there. so much to do. i wish we had a longer time. i wish life was always like this. i wish for endless nights. i wish for a lot of things, i know. i always wanted to turn 23, now i know why. this is it. sometimes you have to go further to find what you're looking for and enjoy the moment.

definitely an unforgettable one. the experience, the journey, the people. missing them already.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Signboards With No Direction

i could not see anything. this room was so dark, chilly and endless. i could not find the doors, or maybe i just didn't want to. i can't remember when you crept in. your arrival, silent and unannounced, but i felt the temperature change. i can't remember when you crept in. i wasn't ready to move, but it felt good to have company. i wasn't sure who, what or where you were. or even if you were truly there. maybe you were just something out of my own creation. it was too dark to tell. i could not see you, but i felt you. but i felt you? like the heat of an expired breath in a desert. subtle. i felt myself relaxed. i felt alive. someone knew me better than me. discreet and comforting. you knew me, so much more, and you never said a word. i can't remember when you crept in, but i felt you. was i too silly? was i too naive? or maybe i just wanted you there. you came, you lingered, you thought it'd be okay to be silent. you left an undeniable imprint, intentional or not, i don't know. back then, i did not mind. but what if i know now, what you wished for to be a secret? now i was becoming claustrophobic. the walls closing in, yet i can't feel them. the ground slipping. palms sweaty. heart pounding. breaths short. why did you do this to me.

So Fazed

as i thought about blogging this down two nights ago, i completely forgot about the wedding i was to attend yesterday. gave me extra gist to getting it posted.

i like weddings which i care about. i hate attending ones where i've no idea who the bride or groom are, but attend it anyways because of obligatory reasons. because, evil as it seems, when people you don't know show public affection, it's annoying. at the back of my mind, i just want to get it over and done with and head back home. you're delaying me, mr & mrs bridegroom.

i like weddings because it's a heart-felt celebration of two people. two people you know and care about, and want the best only for them because they deserve it.

the atmosphere. the people. oh the people, if you had family like mine, you'd understand.

the whole situation of getting everybody together and making a simple affair grand-er than usual, is hard to describe. like an endorphin release. you feel it, and you enjoy the feeling. the couples will go all out to make it perfect, and as memorable as possible. attendants, just sit back and enjoy the flight. the silly moments or unexpected events, make part of the memory too. like the champagne bottle not popping, outfits gone wrong, etc. not because it's a dent in the planning, but because of the couple's frantic reaction. can get over dramatic at times.

as awkward as it sounds, but i do like weddings. because above all, it's about family. it's about friends so close, they're family too. you don't see unconditional love in our day to day busy lives, so it's nice to be reminded it still exist. something that should be appreciated more.

i feel it's quite a bummer when you see people rushing to the altar just because. like it's a race of some sort. or something they just need to cross off on the how-to-live list written by someone nobody knows from yesteryears, and not on their bucket list.

i was disillusioned by that, i must admit. we can't force things, just because we feel we need to and only realize the gravity of it once it's too late. i feared i was being eluded of the right to being celebrated about. but i've learnt, being the bestman should account for something?

always the bestman, never the groom, perhaps?

i can get used to that.

Remember In September

it's september already! damn that's fast. it's weird how i've gone through the year/life not realizing what's been around. i can't pinpoint what i've been doing the past year. i guess solidifying the career path is one, but other than that, i'm not sure. it's just a little messy. obscure very much.

truth be told, it's a bit of a train wreck. or maybe i'm just being paranoid. most times, we learn things in life after the mess, don't we? nothing is planned like a textbook. so maybe this is just the way it is suppose to be. maybe not knowing and feeling insecure, is the norm. maybe this is life served on a platter, sharman.

anyways, while i've been treading murky waters figuring life, this little boy has turn one already. third nephew, yet it's always fulfilling to see them grow up. hard to imagine he's grown so much but this is one heartbreaker in the making definitely. move over will.i.am, the real deal's here!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JGG!

may you grow up handsomely,

coz looks will always matter regardless of what people say.

(sheesh... what kinda uncle...)

and never forget that because you're my nephew, i had a lot of blow jobs done for your first birthday. things i do for you lil guy.

ps: a belated selamat hari raya to all. i had to forgo my rendang this year because i had to work. happy belated birthday to the flyfreak, and a happy future birthday to the foxtrot. may both of you always have orgasmic days lying in front of you!

Doing It Continental Soldier Style

few years ago, there was this song by jibbs "chain hang low". it had the chorus sung by kids, which was based on a nursery rhyme. it goes like this:

" Do your chain hang low
Do it wobble to the floor
Do it shine in the light
Is it platinum, Is it gold
Could you throw it over ya shoulda
If ya hot, it make ya cold
Do your chain hang low "

does it ring any bells?

anyway, this chorus is based on a nursery rhyme "ears hang low". and quite recently i've inadvertently watched barney (yes the purple dinosaur), because i'm staying with my cousin who has two kids at the barney stage. first time in my life i heard what he sang:

" Do Your Ears Hang Low?
Do They Wobble to and Fro?
Can You Tie Them in a Knot?
Can You Tie Them in a Bow?
Can You Throw Them Over Your Shoulder Like a Continental Soldier?

Do Your Ears Hang Low "

at this point my cousin and i go:

"what the hell is a continental soldier?!"

after some ridiculous debate about what it means, we decided google would be the best answer to our confusion. so i typed "what's a continental soldier" and googled it.

try it out yourself. check the first link that comes up by urban dictionary. you'd start to wonder what in the world is barney watching/doing/singing. it's more of a barney stinson, than barney the dinosaur.

p/s atta, this adds more whatthefuck moments to childhood memories.

For The Love Of Music

i love music. mainstream or not, if it catches my liking, i'd play it over and over again. however, that's not what i wanna blog about.

instead, ever had the experience where you listen to songs, and can't quite catch the lyrics because some singers are very clear with their words? or because of censorship, the word becomes something else?

my cousin's son used to sing, "rock it baby one more time", instead of "hit me baby one more time". then another would sing "pa sup pa na me na", to the "funk phenomena". or secondhand serenade's fall for you from "because a girl like you is impossible to find", is heard as "because a girl i kill is impossible to find".

the other day while driving back from work, tlc's "no scrubs" played. i still sing it incorrectly even though very consciously i know it makes no sense. "always talking about what he wants, and just sits on his broke ass", becomes "always talking about what he wants, and just sits on his vocabs" because ass is censored on the radio and apparently that was a bad word so i never knew the real lyrics till the internet many years later. it really does sound like vocabs to me with the censorship.

but the winner has to be my cousin's wrong understanding of iyaz's replay. know the part he sings "it's like my ipod stuck on replay"?

she asked me:

but i don't understand why he sings

"it's like my eyeballs stuck on replay"

?!

how about you? any experiences?

*******

don't you just love looking at saphanloi?

i laughed every time i saw him on screen. damn cute.

oh saphanloi is the dog in "best of times".

i couldn't get a better pic of him, so this will have to do.

Maybe I'll Just Stand Here For Now

there's been a block between the thinking thoughts and the stream that connects to fingers that blog as you can see. it's been awhile. there's always so much to say. but sometimes there's always too much to think. it's annoying.

some of us have this despicable trait of over-thinking of what could be, might be, then how. i wish i hadn't. but sometimes situation places me there. life would be much simpler if it were just don't ask, don't tell.

the bigger picture, just isn't big enough for you to see.

moving along now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. the highlight of my flight yesterday:

my captain looked like kenny sia.

seriously. as in kenny sia the blogger at www.kennysia.com as in there's no other person named kenny sia except kenny sia the blogger.

omg. i felt like laughing my butt off everytime i turned my head to the left to speak to him because i kept picturing those silly pics kenny sia would post on his blog. thank God capt was nice so i didn't have to keep a straight face. the laugh had to be mellowed down to a snigger. believe me, i wasn't sniggering for the jokes or stories, but because of the said reason above. i can't wait to tell my friends that kenny sia is a pilot, but i think only one of them would actually know who kenny sia is.

oh on a random note, the other day at chilis with my cousin, i sat at the bar and ordered a beer.

first time in my life, i got asked my aged. as in whether i'm legal to drink. and here i've been going to clubs way before i finished school.

i know i look young. people usually think either i'm still studying (not too bad), or just finished highschool (what the...). and some people look for fresh meat. i almost got picked up at a bar by a cougar-looking lady.

show me some love, then i might consider ;P

funny how pleasant times,

with pleasant company,

can be tarnished by unpleasant people.

Laptops Can Be Dangerous

watching HIMYM with a six year old can be dangerous.

i was enjoying season 1, one of the last few episodes about how lily and robin crashed a prom to check out the band to hire for marshall and lily's wedding, halfway through my cousin's daughter joins me on the laptop.

i thought there couldn't be anything wrong with letting her join. i didn't think of the actual consequences.

so in that episode lily speaks about some regrets like not having done any lesbian acts.

okay first mistake. i wasn't sure if she actually said lesbian because of the interference from the tv behind me. hence, i let it pass.

then they kiss. second mistake.

niece: girls kiss?

me: ermmm.. they are sisters.

niece: but girls kiss each other? *with slight disgust*

me: ya. like how you kiss your sister. sisters can kiss each other right...

niece: ohhhh

first and last episode of HIMYM i'm watching with this little girl. or matter fact, anything on my laptop. too darn dangerous.

this guy is legendary. the show would not be the same without him. who's your fav?

You Got Me Speechless

at the terminal the other day while walking to the aircraft, one of the captains i've flown with loudly called me a "fake indian".

i could only chuckle in reply. in my defense, i'm only half indian :)

the cleaner of the apron in the shenzhen airport.

unusual right?

and if you think just because he rides a bicycle that shenzhen must be a small town, well it's not. it's huge. huge-er than kl.

usually on long flights like to shenzhen, captains and first officers try to entertain each other by talking random stuff. so we don't fall asleep. usually the talk would bounce about topics like who i'm dating, if she's a crew, why are you single etc etc. yes. some days i'm single, some days i'm not. it's complicated. and of recent, the world cup was a hot topic. unsurprisingly.

anyways, one of the captains concluded that i "look like a happy person".

i think it's more of, at work, i try to be as happy as possible so it doesn't feel so much of a work. and i've realized, if i try to be happy, then i get happy back. kinda like good karma. i've experienced going to the airport with a heavy heart, and the day would turn out even worse than how it began.

so since then, i always try to leave everything behind when i go to work.

that's exactly why i think secrets are important. even in relationships. keeping some details to yourself, not asking you to lie but to keep some to ourselves, is always good. it keeps us sane. it makes situations easier to deal with, sometimes. it allows us to grow as a person, by learning to deal with situations.

though some of us just need the reality check every so often.

so if that's the case, there's always justin bieber to sing-a-long to. because how can that not lift your spirits up?! knowing you have a great voice.

*******

in the cockpit

him: in bangkok, i'm married. in kl, no. you?

me: for now, not married. single. no one.

him: so no one?

me: yup :)

him: no one love you?

now that sounds pathetic when you put it that way

him: if no girl love you, try boy.

then he burst out laughing. this coming from someone who usually is as quiet as a rock. seriously dude, i'm not used to this. for a second, i thought you were possessed.

me---> O.o wtf.

TV Is Not Idiotic

" you can't go through life allowing pain to dictate how you behave. it's easy to sit here in your bedroom and wallow in your hurt feelings. it's hard to rise above it. "


-parenthood-



i'm loving how innovative blogspot has become with all its easy to do layout editing. but sadly it's taken away my colour privileges, font adjustments, and post positioning. oh well. can't get everything. like how i always believe, you get something good, and you lose something else, then you're back at square one.


on another random note, i'm starting to look really crappy. unnecessary stress and sleep deprivation is really sucking the life out of me. may everything go well this coming crazy days. can't wait to get it over and done with.

i'll try not to drive myself crazy.

I Need Somebody To Love

quite the contrary actually. i am constantly being probed about my relationship status, as though it is a cause of worry. in my wildest dreams, i would never want to settle down as yet. i think, at 23, there is abundance to be seen.

there is no rush. neither do i want to be dependent. i prefer the idea of getting to know people, than taking things serious down the rocky path. less the risk, less the pain, but why sour my youth? what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, you say? i think i've had my fair share of that.

thing is, we get it over our heads that we need to achieve this and that; we need to do this because somebody is waiting, and more often than not, we jump into things weighing the perceptions and not contemplating the truth. pressured some sort. maybe we need to believe a little more in the old saying:


" if you love someone, set them free. if they come back, they're yours. if they don't, they never were. "


okay a bit off, but don't suffocate them...




because things will come to an end. like bali.


sometimes, good things have to come to an end, else they'd never be memories. and if we hold on too tight, we'd just be drowning from the lost rather than moving on. moving on to a possibility of another escapade.

in the meantime, walking alone is good.

Get A Ticket

i had a little not-so-friendly charade all acted out in my mind. there were significant reasons for me to scheme this plan out, unfortunately the mind fizzled out when the curtains came up for me to take the stage.

i was distracted.

i was caught off guard. thus, everything just shattered. every cruel intentions i had, no longer are applicable. because i had to be ignorant for it to be applied. after tonight, i had given someone dignity of some sort which they don't deserve. i had given them the truth of the grapevine and hence now i have to behave normally towards them.

i was distracted.



but who cares. i was distracted because of bali baby! wheeeeeeee!!!

Faded Mess

Certain events in life, never go forgotten. It leaves an impression. An impression that sometimes gets you gasping for air.

The mistakes in daily routines do not apply. It's those uncomfortable situations that have a haunting effect. How do you react to a situation that's foreign from your day-to-day self, that's unheard of in your texts you've been trained to battle? Some of us aren't lucky to get it right first time around.

Some of us get situations without any right solutions at all.

We're left feeling cornered, unaccustomed to this tiny space and alienated. There is no lifeline, because there is no right answer. We start to gasp, choking on our own breaths and saliva. You start feeling cold, palms pale, your fingers tremble. What do you do? You look for someone to make sense of it all.

But you're alone. It's just you against all these uninvited guest into your sanctuary.

"Toughen up". You avoid this eclipse by building this wall, creating this persona of a being so far off from your true self, this persona is a lifeless body with a beating heart and a pair of lungs. Foolishly, this works. You wait till it's safe to come out again, till you convince yourself you will never be put in that same corner ever again.

But it happens again, like a nightmare every fortnight, or even year after year. You detach yourself into this solitude state, because you feel safe living without a voice, heart, or soul.

No one else will understand. I never asked you to.


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Bread, Butter And A Cup Of Tea

That's my dinner. I'm so hungry, I've got no appetite. I'm feeling under the weather radar.

Oh yes I'm in my sick mood. And as usual, I become extraordinarily hungry when I'm sick but since there's no one to cook for me hence this will make do but I don't mind, eat your dinner like a pauper they say!

I'm am more annoyed by the fact that my biggest dream now is to sneeze so hard and fulfilling that I'd be so satisfied till this itch of wanting to sneeze will be gone forever.

Maybe I should remove my tonsils. It started with that. Does insurance cover that???

Well positive thoughts, at least my nose didn't leak through the sim session. Jen, I only took one pill, because said pill makes me quite zoned out. Thank you all happy people for your wishes!

Seriously, I need to sneeze more satisfyingly till it doesn't itch anymore, till my stomach giggles so hard from the after effect. This life feels so incomplete without that sneeze.


On the random-est note, one way to confirm to get lost finding your way, is to have the wrong address. My 2cents worth. Good night y'all!


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

My Mom's Cooler Than Yours

flew to calcutta few weeks back. it was my first indian destination. there wasn't anything historic about it, except it being my first time into india.

oh wait. there were stories. just not those i can share so openly :D

the time difference was interesting. okay, it's only two and half hours difference, not like those of you who've been to europe/america/australia but let me blab anyways. it was quite odd because on the way back to kl, it was 8+pm and yet bright as hell. we were somewhere near myanmar at that time, running away from the sun, flying into the sunset. my stomach was rumbling for dinner, but my mind couldn't fathom the bright sun.

lesson learnt, when in doubt, trust your tummy!

*******

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?" The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment. "

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.

And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends".

- wanna guess who sent me this email? -

Snap A Pic, Then Snap Some More

what island is that?

ship ahoy!

loads of ships around.

awesome hong kong!

damn good visibility as you can see.

we could even see macau at the other side of the sea when landing in hong kong!

very rare because it's usually misty over here. couldn't get a pic of that unfortunately.

too dangerous to be taking pictures then.

beautiful, no?

did my first flight to hong kong at the beginning of the month. was awe-struck because hong kong is so pleasant. i ain't no flyfreak. he been there too many times already :P

and the weather was so awesome. really complemented the whole experience. there's just an energy and the place itself. something exciting, even though this coming from just a 25-minute turn-around view. if i could, i wanna live in hong kong someday.

it was that awesome.

plus, their reporting waypoints in the hong kong airspace really makes you hungry. names like: guava, chery, mango, lime, prawn, trout, tunna, lotus, pecan, acorn.

sounds a bit like something from a fantasy world.

i love hong kong. too early?

*******

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

- 2AM (breathe) by anna nalick -

I Was Like... Ok?

i have never gotten a speeding ticket prior to this. so i had no idea what the procedure was, except for the little scene on "friends" when ross gets a ticket for driving really slow.

so anyway, the other day, i got pulled over for speeding. here's the little conversation between the officer and the gentleman(hahahaha). i think it sounds better if i keep it in the original language.

him: satu tiga tujuh.

me: ? (summon amount? offence number 137?!)

him: dari mana?

me: *thinks* nilai.

him: satu tiga tujuh bang.

me: ok?

(i wasn't paying much attention to him because i wanted to hear who was number 1 on seacrest)

him: ic and lesen.

*hands over*

him: tadi speeding, satu tiga tujuh.

me: ok?

him: satu tiga tujuh. kita ada kamera lima kilometer sana. (he has my ic, my licence, he has the summon book but doesn't write a thing)

me: ok.

him: *mumble* kalau tangkap gambar, nanti pos *mumbles mumbles* (hands over my ic and licence)

(BoB is number one)

me: huh??? *takes my stuff* saman macam mana?

him *mumbles mumbles* gambar. saman. *mumbles mumbles*

me: boleh pergi?

him: ahhh ye.

so until now, am clueless how it works. worthless experience.

*******

have you heard of this group on facebook: stop insulting justin bieber, she has feelings too?

the bashing continues with:

" God, if you give us back michael jackson, we will give you justin bieber "

and apparently michael's not the only one. people are willing to trade justin for tupac, kurt cobain and bob marley too.

i can't help but laugh at this. well at least justin's got money to lessen the pain :P

The Good Life

we grow up, along the way making plans for the future. how we're gonna spend it, with who, and all the endless possibilities.

then, we actually grow up and let life get in the way.

we forget of all the endless possibilities, because we let reality become heavier than it actually is. we set the wrong priorities. we meet the wrong people. we get drifted away. we forget to dream.

childhood innocence, reminds me that. i'm blessed to be happy.

truly. how about you?

*******

If God is a DJ

Life is a dance floor

Love is the rhythm

You are the music

- pink "God Is A DJ" -

You Make Me Sick

Some people think they know everything, and even worse, feel they're so much more superior too.

I think substance is important, and facts as well. It's annoying when people you have to put up with are ignorant and have the mind of an obstinate grandfather. Yet when reality sets in, the reality that they're really short of the perfection they thought themselves to be, run for help into your direction but still are able to maintain their ego.

Some like to keep the delusions going on. I guess it helps when the going gets tough.

Silent victory is sweet, don't you agree?


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Breaking The Cycle

there is a certain comfort in having a routine. it prepares our heart for the unexpected because we already know what's ahead. routine provides a state of normalcy.

with the job i'm in, it is quite impossible to get hold of a routine of life. it's more of a day to day scenario. while i hate the fact that most days i can't get my sleep, i also love it that i don't have a routine. it's part of the attraction of my job. it's weird, i know. but not having to be held in a cycle, allows me to be free of being grounded by people and emotions. everyday, is different. i don't know what to expect. i don't know who i'll meet. i don't know how the traffic will be, or even if i'll eat.

of course, most times, i'm the last to know of the latest.

why this suddenly? it occurred to me while speaking to my friends. they opted to head back to jb for work instead of kl because of this. it's not a bad idea, no. but different people, different ideas. i think i'd probably feel like a black hole after a certain time. don't get me wrong, i do miss having a routine. but breaking out of the mold, isn't so bad, is it?

at least for now, i don't get tied down. sacrifices of course, but isn't that life anyway? what about you? do you think i'm way out of line?

*******

-my current addiction. the boy's got talent-

Mid May Merry

i'm beginning to have one of those constipated blogs. damn. sorry for the absence. just a little tied up with things.

isn't it just plain odd how everything in life can just happen. it's like a blink of an eye, and it's already been 4 (plus) years since i got out of highschool. 4 years since i made the crazy pull out from university.

last sunday was may 16th. also teacher's day. i have this gang of friends (mostly seniors), who make an effort annually to visit the school. this year i joined them, and it was kinda odd, in a good way. see, the teachers were excited to meet us, even those stern no-joking ones. i know it sounds weird, but it's hard to explain this student-teacher relationship we have. you probably can't comprehend it.

it started with the english language society (els). we were like a small clan, like-minded and noisy. we planned and started traditions like song dedications for recess, teacher's day dedication cards, bbq sales. and not forgetting choral speaking. choral speaking was big for us. because we were a small clan, part of the challenge was getting others to join us to put up with our nonsense.

and because we were in a boys school, the girls school always had the advantage. choral speaking had a ridiculous rule. no swaying waist down. so the girls could boob sway and flaunt their way. if only, we were allowed to thrust our hips and show them what we got. it was a sexist competition.

but we leveled up on our scripts, till the year the government decided to stop the competition.

anyways, this little competition was a ride like no other. it was an excuse to skip class, because we wouldn't start practicing till we've had an hour of unavoidable crap-talk, and bribes from the teachers to spend us. through the brainstorming of ideas, jokes, all wrapped in hours of practice, we had a better 1malaysia than the country could ever hope for. the weekly (and sometimes daily unofficial) meet ups for the els were just crazy. probably because the teachers as well would contribute in our merciless talks about certain teachers. see, they weren't just normal teachers. they bitched too. subtly.

since leaving school, we kept in touch. and the relationship we had with the els teachers (somehow) spread to other teachers as well. on a day they were being celebrated about, they still found time to worry. "where are these boys?!". and that's why it's odd. who becomes friendly with the no-joking teachers? or the discipline head? maybe my two brothers, but not me. i wasn't the school prefect or hockey player.

it's kind of fascinating how we could let loose and share crude jokes/remarks without getting reprimanded with adults we used to fear, argued with, or didn't want to tolerate. in their eyes, we're always the ones in uniform. but most times, they embrace we've become equivalent adults too. i used to be the one in awe when they taught me. now, it's mutual when exchanging experiences.

it's a little hard to stomach how boundaries are broken, but its a gratifying relationship. people will always come and go, but its the ones that matter, that you know you don't have to say "keep in touch" to be in touch.

it'll never go away.

like family.

*******

to loyar buruk,

your hometown from 36,000feet above the ground.

can spot your home?