Don't

that ugly monsoon of feelings is acting up again. i will never learn how to accommodate. this case of readjustment to changes in life.

i hate it. everyone does. unless you have never experienced it, then lucky you. i would never want to be the middle person between you and that event. then, i wish i could be you. now, i wish it was just a test. i wish it was a hypothetical situation. i wish it weren't real.

i never wanted to feel like that again. it just happens. don't tell me its unavoidable. don't tell me reassuring words. don't because i can never understand it.

*******

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

-colbie caillat "i never told you"-

Perhaps Some Thought In It

as they played the national anthem in the hall, i found myself automatically spraying out the words. not because i wanted to, but like i said, automatically. subconsciously. things like patriotism isn't something you can force onto others. certainly not through books, or songs for that matter. tell me exactly, how does singing a song instill love, passion, and trust perhaps? i am bewildered at whoever that came up with this concept.

don't get me wrong, i'm not bashing the country. i'm just trying to figure why certain things are done as they are.

the famous quote, "ask what you can do for your country, not what the country can do for you". each person would sacrifice what they deem fit. it's a question of depth. some would do nothing at all. because perhaps in retrospect, maybe nothing has been gained, except for losses.

in this situation, when there's a negative perception, or even a neutral view, would a song and class be able to reach and plant feelings into one's soul?

if it were so easy, i don't think that would define us as humans no longer. because we're just that complicated. intricate details of a person, makes us diverse and unique. it's stereotypical in a way to think everyone could be handled so easily. again, if only we're that simple.

my point is, why are we burdened with all this unproductive stuff if it's not gonna work? because we just need to, don't we? my brain cells are abundant, so let's waste 'em. my youth is abundant, so let's waste it.

i'm just saying, sometimes we let the unimportant take over our lives, time to get back into the game.

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

*******

for the pic-enthusiast. i know my blog has never been the aviation one, so for those who just like to see a different sight, here you go!

an SIA if i'm not wrong. 2000feet above us.

mount kinabalu. someday.

hope you had a blast of a weekend. i spend 30minutes of my sunday in macau!

I Felt You Leave

you had my head over the edge,

as i nestled into this paradise.

i lost control of saving smiles,

admiring the tea leaves shape your face.

i was on the other side of the puppeteer's line,

only with a genuine expression.

in this grotesque affair of senses,

my mind was a wild act of cirque du soleil.

the nights would end,

yet my days never saw the sunset.

insatiable was this hunger,

of the apotheosis of lust i craved.

this ignorance was bliss,

this ecstasy i could not leave,

but soon i was closing my eyes,

soon i was enveloped by emptiness.

checkmate in a game of chess,

by a vacant foe,

i was so behind,

in this race i figured i lead.

stay here,

save me,

listen out,

or just fool me once more.

Good Till It's Gone

don't you think this would make great publicity? even if you don't, you have to. because it's my blog. junior jets, perhaps? :P

*******

as we browse through memories, we start to remember lost possessions. often enough, we let a lot slip by our finger gaps even without knowing. sometimes for the better. sometimes for the better at that instance, only to regret much later when trying to find it again.

we live to make mistakes. while it can get depressing and it might even tear us down this issue of regretting things once we've let go, i, slightly contradicting with what i've typed thus far, don't really believe in having too tight a grasp on everything.

you see, i just watched "up in the air". see how george clooney at the end winds up the losing end? he wasn't very sure of it, yet gambled it anyway. sure it's nice to gamble your life if you know you're gonna win all that's there at stake, but if you did not? how sure are you of winning?

certain things are just meant to be let go. i know she's hot, but is it really worth it now?

maybe that's my problem. i haven't found anything worth going all out for.

yet ;)

guess that's better than letting go something that's worth keeping.