Some Make, Some Break

relationships can progress and digress, take a new dimension altogether. that is what i've learn quite recently. its hard to say where one can go at this point of time, but its fulfilling to know in future that some things have gone right.

relationships are complex. some seem eternally trusting, till a particular decision can change it into a rocky boat ride. some, a case of dog and cat, turning into a formidable force together. some surviving even through ugly stints.


i feel, relationships, like everything else in life, are fragile. how the future can sway either way. how it can just evaporate into thin air without knowing. how plainly unexpected it can seem.

this is just my thoughts on friendship, nothing more. don't be confused.

i must say, it's the friendships that i never thought much about, that somehow manages to change my life, and become an important factor, that i will always appreciate. a true blessing, a gift i never saw coming.

some of us, are actually humans too ;)

Surpressing The Wreck

i made a stop at one of the R&R along the north-south highway to have dinner last night. one of the stalls felt the need to be more creative than the rest. "sirap" was renamed "Roziah's Juice". i can't remember the exact, but it was a feminine name no doubt.

it read and sounded rather crude, if you get what i mean.


the other day i was watching a local magic show on the tv. i know how magic is fake, and its just an illusion, but i wanted to see what he's got to flaunt till he had his one tv show. there was this one particular trick, which had david blaine written on it vividly.

the local magician caught a shooting bullet with his mouth. a paint ball bullet. hmmmmm are fakes our only options?

*******

deepavali came and went. so quick the weekend is gone. this year, i did not get any new clothes.

instead i got new sheets :D somehow, this feels more fulfilling. there's something about snugly new crisp bed sheets.

Ghetto Superstar

as i drove on the familiar road from many years ago, memories started flooding back. though confident i was of the directions, it was slightly fuzzy. nearly missed a turning, but i get that a lot with fly-overs.

so much change with time. all that used to surround, surround no more. some sculptured into odd designs. some, surprisingly remained the same throughout all the years, but not many. it was dark, and that helped reduce the obvious change of my reality. i could still savour in what was left plus a little bit more due to the night vision. it felt, like finding an old toy i had thought i lost.

it made me want to close my eyes and for just a moment, remember the laughter. maybe get lost in it. relive the stories again.


but, that wouldn't be me. i need my tomorrow :)

*******

the incredibly knowledgeable captain said an amusing quote, which i'd like to share to whoever is reading:

" back in the day,

flying was dangerous and the girls were nice,

now,

flying is nice and the girls are dangerous. "

Anywhere Also Can

past few days i had been having trouble falling asleep. i don't know whether its because of the stress or any other relevant reason, but definitely it was annoying me. then i remembered...


i used to have this odd habit. i've always slept in a queen sized bed since young. and when i was younger, i used to position my pillows wherever i felt like laying.

sometimes my head would be at the top of the bed (where it should be), and some other times my head would be at the foot of the bed. sometimes i'd sleep across the width instead, though this confirm cannot do now unless i want my legs dangling in the air :P occasionally diagonally too, but don't really like this cause not much area to roll around.

so i decided, why not try this utterly childish thing? so yea, i slept the other way round. where my feet should be, lay my head; and where my head should be, rested my feet. surprisingly, i feel asleep.

actually not surprisingly. i always found sleeping in odd directions more sleep inducing. its like you're sleeping in a new bed. not just because you're laying on a different area of the mattress, but i guess the whole complexity of the fan blowing from a different direction, the "view", surroundings.

tell me, how to find a partner in bed willing to accommodate such antics?


wow. what a load of crap. and you still read all this? i guess i'm not the only with nothing to do. so since you've indulged me this far, share an odd habit of yours, alright?

*******

sometimes i just wanna tell you directly. but i don't think i'm mean like that. instead, i'm gonna quote this very smartly crafted and beautiful worded piece by Azure Antoinette:

"Don't put me in a box

If you must...
Put me in a box of writers, poets, artistic dreamers, patriots for world peace, melodic pavers for prosperity,
If you must,
Put me in a box with no walls, no top, no bottom, just a translucent chamber where I will flourish,
Where I can turn the earth on its ear.

Where I can remind the world that I have a purpose,
That we, the so-called minority, has a purpose.

If you must,
Put me in that space,
But don't put me in a box just based on the colour of,
my face.

It is just a skin hue."

-taken from "box"-

Through One And Into Another

she said, "it gets from bad to worse, from the last one to the next one. then you wonder, why you even bothered searching".


i don't agree. for me, it had lead me to different paths. each incomparable, they brought me and introduced me to different worlds. neither was better, nor worse for that matter, than the other.

i never could sell you an orange for an apple, they were just unalike. seen, felt and peeled, how do you compare unless you're downright bias for one and not the other.


but more importantly, it was my decision. undeniably, there are times when i refuse to accept my decisions. i wish i could take them back. i wish they weren't so obviously silly. for once said and done, can never be taken back. everything you do and say may be forgiven, but never forgotten. and its an ugly job, not forgetting impossible too, polishing the already scared surface to its once smooth glory days.

plus, if we want to change our mistakes, then shouldn't we also be willing to change our right decisions into the former? life can't all be that good.

i always believe, we are who we make ourselves to be. everything we do, is by choice. we choose to party, we choose study, we choose to commit.

more importantly with choice, comes a decision. things can always go any way from here. its 50-50 by probability if there were only two choices. so you could get it right, and you could get it not so right.

more prominently with decisions, it leads us back to choice. the road less traveled next, or the obvious one? lets try to weigh out the options first before regretting. though i know haste is always the devil on my shoulder, as hard as i try to shake him off. don't you hate him too sometimes?

How Next?

sometimes i get insanely stressed, i can't sleep.

sometimes i get insanely stressed, i feel like running away.

sometimes i get insanely stressed, i start to eat more than i should.

sometimes i get insanely stressed, my stomach turns into a queasy machine.



and i get insanely stressed everytime i sit for an exam or test. i think i am exam-phobic. or test-allergic. or something like that. because its insane how the insides of my body go out of control during these times. i kinda like studying, but i hate being evaluated.

and its utterly annoying how nervous i get during exams that i start to look like a pea-brain.

-still coping-