Pre-Result Post

Current time: 2.02am
Approximated time remaining: 9 hours
Status: Horribly worried
Attention: Heroes on Star World

the whole to and fro of excitement and scared shyt-ness has been sliced to just pure scared shyt. the results are coming. Soon. there's no turning back.

initially i was excited about the results for a moment. i'm not sure exactly why, but it probably would have been because of the thought of celebrating. you know when you finally do good in an exam, you don't go back and study. you have fun. with your friends.

i guess i missed that part. especially like the one we had after the SPM results. it was one of the best days of my life. the after-celebration. just hanging-out. i missed that.

i am no where near confident about this results though. so many have failed before. like seriously just fail. and i am also NOT confident with my answers. horrifying answers. i studied...

well if you believe in last minute studying, then this is it. this is the person you seek. i actually finished 2 years of chapters in a day. especially chemistry. the audacious 3 books, i finished it overnight without sleep. a closed eye session of maybe 20 minutes at most? and maths too. but maths i COULD have understood slightly. oh yea, physics too. general paper, do we really need to study for that? its such a crappy sub.

so what do i deserve for all those last minutes? i dont know. i've done it before. all my life. but for form6? that's not very wise. it's stupid actually.

but that's how i study. that's how i've grown up to be. it's MY way.

clock is still ticking. damn, my heart beating damn fast la! friggin nervous.

the pressure is all on me, by me. i feel the need to do well, not for publicity, not to be the best student coz i now my limitations (bad way of thinking? no. i just know what i can do). i want to do well, but doesn't everyone? i want to do well.

gosh how do i sleep? there is just so much going through my mind, as always prior to results. though this is the first time anyone has ever been given the chance to divulge into it.

anxiety. its one of the worst feeling. silence is music. your heartbeat is an earthquake. words are confusely constructed.

i really dont know how i will react to my results. i know people say 'one day its just gonna be a piece of paper', but in this day without a relatively attractive piece of paper, your ambitions could almost certainly be deminished. its your first step to realizing your dream job. i really dont want to end up at a desk for 40 over years doing a routinely boring unwanted job.

although ambitions can be debated of whether realizing it is possible, since most end up just dreaming about it.

BUT I DONT WANT THAT. i wanna realize my ambition. i dont want to end up dreaming. i dream enough every other day. i dont want to be average.

these thoughts have been jumping frantically. what is in store for me?

i feel like eating. eating makes you feel good.

but i also feel like pissing and dumping and swearing and shouting for no reason. i feel like i dont want to know my results.

by the time you read this post, i have no idea what has become of me. results has already been settled: marked, rechecked, and decided! no point hoping and praying and wishing for better results now.



yet, i'm still gonna be hoping like a penniless fool for an attractive piece of paper.

Current time: 3.15am
Approximated time remaining: 7.8 hours
Status: Feel like eating, crapping, shouting, running, swearing, and killing this damn keyboard! ARGHHHHHH anxiety is NOT fun...
Attention: Probably gonna get back to editing a new blogskin, unless this awful mood of self anger gets the better of me!

-inwardly shouts-