Friday, June 12, 2009

Give It Two Good Blows

i've always wanted to learn how to do cardio pulmonary resusitation (cpr). don't know exactly why. probably because its heroic to be saving a life. imagine how phenomenon it'd be to give jessica alba or beyonce the kiss of life! watching too much grey's anatomy i guess. or was it baywatch? (rofl)

but i didn't want to be attached to a licence to kill as well. plus, 5-7 years in medical school would definitely make me go bonkers without a doubt. no, i was never willing to give up that much of my life, no matter how noble i found the profession. i think i could serve the world better in different ways.

today, i got a chance to learn. well, it was unavoidable frankly speaking. its part of the areas we need to cover. just as a matter of caution. general knowledge kinda thing. because if something were to happen requiring cpr in-flight, the flight attendants would assume the primary roles. we in the flight deck, can't leave the aircraft unmanned. unless situation really deteriotes to an unthinkable point.

so if a person is seemingly unconscious, what do you do? you look for Dr. Abc!

D - dangerous. clear area of anything that may harm the fellow like sharp objects.

R - response. check verbally if the fellow really unconscious. squeezing his testicles is considered sexual harassment. instead, ask him, "sir are you ok? sir can you hear me?". if no reply, then safe to say he is unconscious. then shout out to a passerby, "call 911!".

oops. 999 i mean. 911 tak laku over here.

A - airway. not airways like golf466 and whiskey525 fellow airmen out there. it means to make sure he can breathe without obstruction. especially his tongue doesn't block his breathing. also check if there are any foreign objects down his throat. like fishball, furball, or maybe his own balls.

B - breathing. confirm no breathing by looking for movements of his chest, listening out for an exhale, and feeling for warmth of expired air. confirmed no breathing? proceed.

C - circulation. give him 2 good blows. the 2 best blow job you could ever give. ventillation, i mean. then proceed with 30 chest compressions, for every 2 ventillations.

remember, the secret is all in the hands, and your 2 good blows. after the blow job, lookout for an erection. eh REACTION, not erection!

the other day i was listening to FlyFm,
they were talking about weird names,
and one caller said he met a girl named Abcd,
pronounced as "ab-see-dii". creative!


Flyfreak said...

oh oh can't wait to practice this 'blowjob' lesson!

did you practice on your brother? hahahaha ok ewwww

sharman said...

hahaha cant wait??? wanna show off your blowing skills to the world eh? maybe get some new peminats :P

omg thats so gross... of coz didnt blow others laaa... yucks!

Dilah said...

haha!!! what an amusing post. thanks sharm. =)

can't wait to try those skills too ;)

vonblue said...

oi monsta nvr reply my text!n get a chatbox laaa!:p

TKDaddict said...

license to kill...eeeh...i donno if i shouldnt feel insulted by that or not??
maybe instead of trying to squeeeeeze his testicles u could try a little sternal pressure instead :) just use ur knuckles and rub it against his sternum...if he doesnt respond to that...yup his unconscious ;) then u can squeeze his testicles if u want sharman

sharman said...

dilah: hmmm u gonna try on who? french kissing not considered as giving ventillation though! hahahaha

monSta: sorry sorry... baru reply kan!... dont like chatbox :P

tkd: insulted becoz of "the licence to kill" statement? didnt u want to be 007? hahaha u shouldnt be insulted, becoz a doctor-to-be told that to me(not you)

yr rubbing sternum, more effective??? more arousing ah? hehehe... need pressure or just gently rub??? *tries on self*

hahahhaha squeezing his testicle a much faster and effective method i think :P ---> reasons y i cant be a doctor hahahahaha

Dilah said...

men always want quick, fast, responsive results! isnt that it?

btw, 30 chest compressions?? how come on tv look a lot lesser?

sharman said...

dilah: yesss true... quick and fast makes life less confusion... but not to everything :P sometimes the long ride can be enjoyable ;)

yerpp 30 compressions. newest update. used to be 15 compressions last time, but its been increased to 30. recommended by the cardio *something* frm america

TKDaddict said...

actually if i want to roll number here is 007...hahaha...
actually ya sternal pressure is a very good way of gauging a persons counsciouness...cus its testing response to pain (if u wanna know a bit more in depth about consciouness can just google Glascow's Coma Scale)..give some firm pressure, cus at times a person can be drowsy n not respond when u call their name, but u do this n their eyes pop wide open for u :P

sharman said...

tkd: 007? so are u living up to yr name?? hehehe... hope not!

*tries on self* hmmm yeaaa yrs more painful, less arousing... no wonder their eyes will pop wide.... my method more enjoyable, yrs more sadist LOL

TKDaddict said...

u just like squeezing ppls balls dont u

sharman said...